What We Lost

allies

By the grace of god, Grayson knows how to cook. And well.

He managed to come up with a concoction of green beans, chicken, and celery. Possibly the best meal I've had in a week. Definetly a runner up to cereal. I shovel spoonful by spoonful into my mouth, practically forgetting he was there.

"Careful. Foods not going anywhere." He chuckles, taking a bite. I glare at him, swallowing. "I've been living off of bread. I raided the corner store but everything else was expired." I murmur.

"Who cares if it's expired. It's worse to starve to death." He looks up from his bowl quizzically.

"It doesn't matter anyways. I can't keep much down lately." I murmur, messing with my fork. I can feel his questioning eyes on me. "This whole thing has me anxious. Anxious enough to make myself sick."

"Have you always been that way?" He asks. I nod. "I used to take meds for my anxiety. Before this all happened. They ran out fast."

He pauses for a while, as if pondering. After a minute he speaks. "Do you want to stick together?" He asks finally. It was clear he had been holding the question in for a while. I blink, thinking. Thoughts race through my head. What if he's manipulating me? He could be dangerous. He could be using me to get my house or my supplies. Right when I turn my back he could-

"..Yes." I say, accidentally. I didn't even let myself contemplate. One side of me was cautious, logical. He could be no better than the rest of the cruel people left in the world. The people who raided, destroyed, killed for things. The other part of me was different. I had forgotten what it was like- to be around someone, to interact. You go crazy after a while of not seeing another human. So I longed for this. In truth, I longed for him to stay as long as he wanted. It was selfish. But I needed that comfort.

"We don't have to." He assures me quietly. "I know.. I won't be easy to trust. You can't trust anyone these days. You hear stories, about the rebellion groups. Who kill innocent people. But..." He pauses, eyes sad. "I don't want to hurt you. If we stick together it just means we will be more successful. I could teach you how to cook and you could teach me how to sneak around like you do. And I'll help you hunt."

I smile softly. I hadn't smiled in forever. The truth was, I hadn't been happy in forever. But Grayson was unlike anyone I had ever met before. Not before the outbreak. I knew that someday I could trust him fully. For now, I had to agree. He is all I've got.

That night we settled down in my room. Grayson slept on a sleeping bag on the floor while I slept in my bed. He refused to sleep in the bed- or even take one of my pillows. He was selfless. As I pull the covers over myself, I look around my room. I stare at my pastel purple walls. They had came like that when I first moved in to Lucas's new house. Despite my dislike for purple, something about them felt significant and beautiful. Perhaps the room once belonged to a little girl. And so, I had refused to change the color. Looking at them now, it was bittersweet. Everything reminded me of Lucas. I roll over and shut my eyes. I couldn't think about this now- if I did I'd be up all night.