What We Lost

turmoil

I first heard his breathing. Ragged, panicked. I stir, my brows furrowing. "Vivian." He whimpered. And then I open my eyes, met with the shining barrel of a gun. It was an inch away from my forehead. I feel my breath fall short in my lungs. There were two men, eyes cold with not an ounce of mercy. The one in front of me was older, 40's. His teeth were gritted with fury. The younger man had the gun pressed against Graysons temple beside me. I struggle to fight back a cry at the sight as the man's finger lingered above the trigger.

"What do you want from us," I say, trying to hide the tremble in my voice. In my peripheral I could see Grayson gazing over at me, pleading. It terrified me.

"Your food. Weapons. All of them." The man spoke with venom in his words. My bottom lip quivers.

"W- we don't have much left." I say, my hands grasping at the comforter beneath me. I try to ground myself. I could manipulate them. Give them everything we had left. Yet we would die either way.

The man lunges forward and angrily grips the collar of my shirt. "What a shame." He growls. And then he nods his head to the younger man. My heart contracts. "No. No!" I shout, clawing at him. Desperately, I fight.

A gunshot goes off.  I fold over, covering my ringing ears. I couldn't hear. And I couldn't dare look over to see what was done. Please. Please. It can't be him. I can't lose this. My limbs feel heavy as I crumble. The man's hands leave me. A feeling of rage comes over me in waves. I'm going to kill them. I will kill them. I've never had the desire to hurt anything. To end a life. Yet in this moment, for Grayson, I longed to destroy them. I force my eyes open, stumbling off of my bed. I reach to my nightstand, taking hold of the handgun that was thankfully still loaded. Fury burned in my veins, pulsing through me, my once weak limbs gathering strength to prepare. I raise it out in front of me, looking up. There Grayson was. Unharmed. I watch in horror as he takes the final dig at the man with his pocket knife, a deep jab to the stomach, grunting as the man fell at his feet. My mouth opens as I take in the sight. He lay lifeless on my bedroom floor, a small crimson puddle of blood slowly pooling beneath him. Grayson reaches me before I can scream out.

He urgently pulls me to him, covering my face. He's whispering things to me. I'm too dazed to understand as I desperately cling to him. "I've got you." He murmurs into my ear.

"Are they gone," I choke out. His hand holds the back of my head.

"Yes, Vivian. They are gone." I feel his trembling hands. The racing of his heart against my ear. I cry to him. "I thought it was you-" He hushes me, slowly coaxing me out of the room- avoiding where the bodies lie. I keep my eyes shut tight until the door is closed behind us. His hands, cut and dirty, move my hair away from my face. I stare up at him, my eyes tracing over every feature I've come to know so well.

"I thought I lost you." I breathe.

He reaches up, hesitantly at first. And then his thumb slowly ran over my bottom lip. My heart pounds brutally in my chest like a drum. He leans down, our foreheads touching. I sigh and close my eyes.

"You won't ever lose me." He whispers, his breath fanning against my face. I grimace with his words, so sweet but a comforting lie.

This time I was far too close to losing him. It would have been so easy, for that man to kill him when he didn't expect it. And then they would have killed me in a second. Would I fight back? Would I kick and scream? Or would I let them. At that point I'd have nothing left. Maybe my end would be honorable. Maybe it would be worth something.