What We Lost

jasper

It was empty- thank god. The lower levels floors were covered in hay for the animals that once resided. There was an upper loft as well, which would be the perfect lookout spot. Grayson sighs with relief and steps in, looking around. I immediately go up to the higher loft to see the view. I climb the wooden stairs and cautiously walk up there in case of any old boards. I peak out the window. There was nothing but fields and endless road.

"This is great." Grayson calls up to me. "It's huge. And sturdy." I walk back down to him, setting my backpack in the hay. "It will get freezing at night, though.." I say.

"The hay will keep the place insulated." He replies.

A loud shot sound crackles in the air. I flinch, stumbling backwards. In the distance a boy could be seen. He held a rifle to the air, smoke swirling up from the barrel. "Weapons down!" He shouts. I drop mine, but Grayson hesitates.

"You think I won't shoot you?" The boy calls out with a snarl. He gets closer to us. Grayson slowly sets his gun down. "Hands up." He hisses.

I raise my hands slowly above my head. The boy looked to be our age, maybe a year older. Yet by the way he spoke you'd think he was a soldier. His hair was dirty blonde, almost brown. Skin tanned like he had a long day out in the sun. And his eyes were an intimidating brown.  Grayson looks over at me, expression reassuring. I only shake my head slightly. I should have known this would happen. A barn left like this, well kept, belonged to someone. I was dumb. Foolish.

"What are you doing snooping around anyways?" The boy grumbled, circling us. My eyes follow him carefully.

"The suburbs aren't safe anymore. We had no choice." Graysons voice is firm. Threatening, almost.

The boys eyes meet mine. He looks me up and down. I swallow. "Is this true?"

My brows furrow slowly. "Why would we lie?"

"I'm more concerned about him." The boy glares over to Grayson. Grayson glares back. "Look. He's with me. We were attacked by raiders in my own house and nearly killed. That's why we are here. If you want us to go, we will go." I say firmly, facing him.

"Do you want us to go?"

There's a long silence. He looks down at the floor before his eyes meet mine again. "If you guys can prove to be helpful, I'll let you stay. But if you try anything or lie I will shoot you."

Grayson scoffs, lifting his gun from the floor. "Let's go, Vivian."

I stop in front of him. "Grayson. You're kidding, right? We need this. And if anything another person would just make things easier. We cant keep going and wait to run into something again." I say.

The boy lingers behind me. "You want to stay with this jackass?" He grumbles.

The boy grabs a hold of Graysons shirt, leaning in close. "Call me that again and I'll shoot your head off clean." He growls.

"Stop it!" I yell. The two pause. "If you're going to act like fucking babies and fight all day, do it somewhere else." He releases Grayson from his grasp. Grayson shrugs him off, huffing.

The rest of the eveining is tense. We made a small fire behind the barn to warm up before nightfall. I  sit in the grass, fiddling with the strands. Grayson hasn't spoken to me since. I didn't understand why he was so angry with me.

"What's your name." I ask the boy, trying to take my mind off things.

"Jasper." He mutters back, adjusting the wood in the run down fire pit, the orange flames rising slightly.

"You're Vivian." Jasper looks to me and then to Grayson. "You're.."

"Grayson. " he mutters.

"Oh, yes... I forgot." Jasper says with a slight grin. I sigh, lying back in the grass. I look up at the sky. In the country, you could see the stars so much easier. I watch as they twinkle brightly. I shut my eyes and breathe. Jasper nudged my leg with his boot. "Don't fall asleep yet." I open my eyes and glare.

"Leave her be." Grayson says, shifting his feet.
"You don't need to defend me." I mutter, rubbing my eyes. His expression falls and I regret it.

"God, you guys argue like a married couple." Jasper laughs out at his one joke, resting one leg over the other.

I close my eyes again, and smile slightly to myself when he says that. The idea of marriage was sort of comforting. Even though it wasn't technically possible now. It was beautiful to devote yourself to someone. I wondered if the apocalypse never happened- would I have ever gotten married? Had kids?

"We aren't.." Grayson says back to Jasper. I swallow. His words sounded wrong to me- like they shouldn't be coming from him. He made it sound like marriage with me was a terrible thing. It was so stupid- such a dumb thing to worry. Why did I care anyways? I wasn't sure.

Jasper cooks up canned stew over the fire. The smell makes my mouth water- but I don't open my eyes. "Want some?" Jasper asks me. I sigh. "I'm gonna eat in the barn. It's cold out here." I take the can of stew he handed to me and go back inside, leaving the two behind. As I enter the barn I breathe out. I needed to think. For a while. I crawl up the stairs to the loft, and sit by the window. I eat a bit of my stew. It was a bit slimy but I swallow it down anyways. I lean my ear near the window and listen down below.

"How long have you two known each other?" Jasper asked him.

"Probably a bit over a month. I broke into her house thinking it was abandoned.. and that's how we met." Grayson replies gently. There's a bit of silence before Jasper speaks up again.

"I can tell you care for her." He murmurs.

"I do." Grayson whispers. "More than she knows." My heart flutters slightly and I lean my head back against the wall. I think of what he said.  More than she knows.