What We Lost

dont hide from me

You don't realize how bad you were affected by something until suddenly you're reliving it all over again.

Im in my bedroom, packing.
"I'll be right back," Lucas says. I watch as he leaves the porch cautiously through the window. I try to warn him. I try to scream as a walker stalks up behind him. But I can't. No sound comes out. My fingers claw at the window, where the latch was; but it was no longer there. I can't move. I stare in horror as the creature attacks him, biting into his neck. I shouldn't have let him go. This is my fault. I could have saved him.

"Vivian." A quiet, urgent voice whispers in my ear. "Vivian!" It's louder this time.

I gasp, waking to Grayson shaking me. I stumble out of bed to my window, looking out. The street was empty. "You were dreaming. It's over." His hand hesitantly grasps mine and I move away, staring at him. Fallen tears are wet on my cheeks. I'm sweating.

"I'll be right back, let me get you some water."
I panic, grasping his arm before he could walk away. "Don't leave me." I breathe. He stops, moving the hair that was sticking to my forehead away. "Come with me then." He murmurs.

I walk down the stairs, the floorboards creaking beneath our feet. He grabs a plastic bottle of water from one of the cupboards in the kitchen and hands it to me. I slug it down fast. "Slow down." He says, running a hand through his dark hair. I press the side of the water bottle against my cheek, in attempt to cool myself down.

We stare at eachother for a while. But he did not look at me with judgement. Not pity, either. Understanding. We had never thought to tell eachother our stories, or what has happened to us. We met so fast. As I looked into his green eyes, the ones that always held a hint of sorrow, I wondered about him. Before I can ask anything, he steps towards me. And he hugs me.

His arms were secure around me. In that moment I felt protected. Like no matter what we faced, he would keep me safe. I'd never felt that about anyone. Not before Lucas. After a long pause I allow myself to relax, and I embrace him back. He breathes out, and I listen to his heart. It was quick, like a drum.

"Tell me things." I whisper, my voice muffled by his shirt. He swallowed, his hands stilling against my back.

"What do you want to know." He replies.

"Anything." I murmur back. "I just would like to know you. Don't just.. hide from me."

"You know me more than you think." He says, and I lift my head to look up at him. He always gave me these cryptic answers. It only further drove my curiosity.

"I don't think that's true. You never told me what you did when it all.. happened." I hesitate, scared of how he'd react. More or so scared of what he'd tell me.

His brows furrow slowly as I speak. He lets me go, and the feeling of him still lingers. I don't like that. He takes a deep breath, as if preparing himself. I keep eye contact so he knows I'll listen.

"I was at the supermarket." He begins, his voice gruff. "It was a normal day. Everything was fine. Me and my dad noticed that the cashier looked really sick. Deathly pale. My dad asked him what was wrong. And then.. he just snapped. Went crazy. It was all a blur, I can't remember some things. He bit my.. dad." His voice broke at the last part. His eyes begin to glisten.

"It was underneath his shirt. We tried to hide it. And then the outbreak started and the soldiers started checking people.." and then he breaks down. I didn't need him to say anymore. He slides down to the floor, head in his hands. I follow, holding his shoulders and kneeling down in front of him. Our faces were close.

"I'm so sorry." I whimper, my eyes welling up with tears. Tears for him. His head rests against my shoulder, face against my neck. I just hold him as he cries. He relaxes into me, and I realize it had only been 2 weeks and I already rely on him. I hope he can rely on me too.