Smoking cats - shinsero

Slipping

(I know there's another chapter titled the same but you'll just have to live with that)

A few days had passed since the grocery store incident, and Sero couldn't shake the feeling that something inside him had shifted. It wasn't like he'd ever had closure with his mother - not after the way she and his father had kicked him out, throwing his life into a chaos. He thought he'd moved on from that part of his past, but seeing her in the store... it was like all the pain, the guilt, and the anger had come crashing back at once.

He didn't talk much about it to Shinsou after that night. They had cuddled on the couch, joked about the terrible movie, and he had felt a little better in the moment. But in the days following, that anxiety still lingered. It gnawed at him, even when he tried to push it aside.

And so, the black haired boy turned back to his habit. Smoking.

It wasn't unusual for him to light up when things got overwhelming. He knew Shinsou didn't love it - he could always sense a quiet disapproval whenever he pulled out a joint. But after seeing his mom, smoking became more than just a way to unwind. He needed it to calm his nerves, to dull the edge of emotions he didn't quite know how to deal with.

The violet eyed boy hadn't said anything at first, though Sero could tell he noticed. After all, the ashtray on the balcony was filling up faster than usual, and the faint smell of cannabis clung to the air more often than it had before. They didn't always hang out at Shinsou's apartment; sometimes they'd meet up at school or with friends, but when they were alone, the boy had been retreating outside more often.

Shinsou watched him carefully, his eyes always narrowing when he saw his boyfriend step out onto the balcony with a cigarette or joint in hand. It wasn't just the smoking itself - it was the way Sero had been acting lately. Quieter, more distracted, a little distant. Shinsou knew him well enough by now to notice when something was wrong, even if the boy didn't want to talk about it.

One evening, a week after the grocery store incident, they were both at Shinsou's apartment again. Tipi was curled up on Shinsou's lap, purring contentedly as they sat on the couch. Sero stood near the sliding door to the balcony, fidgeting with a lighter in one hand and a joint in the other.

He glanced up from his spot on the couch, his brow furrowing slightly.
"Another one?"

The boy paused, the lighter halfway to the joint. He shrugged, trying to play it off casually.
"Just need to clear my head."

Shinsou didn't say anything for a moment, his gaze flicking to the ashtray on the balcony.
"That's like... the third one today."

Sero let out a small sigh, running a hand through his hair. He knew the other was right - he had been smoking a lot more than usual, but he didn't know how to stop. The stress, the memories of seeing his mom, the confusion about why it was bothering him so much... it all felt like too much to handle. The weed helped take the edge off, made things feel a little less overwhelming.

"I'm fine, Hitoshi," he said, trying to sound more confident than he felt.
"It's just been... a rough week."

The purple haired boy carefully lifted the black cat off his lap and set her down before standing up. He crossed the room to where Sero was standing by the door, his expression serious but not angry.
"I get that, but smoking like this... it's not going to help."

Sero's jaw clenched slightly, his hand tightening around the joint.
"It does help, though. It makes things easier to deal with."

He stepped closer, his voice softer now.
"Maybe for a little while, but... it's just masking the problem, not fixing it."

The black haired boy turned away, frustration bubbling up inside him. He didn't want to have this conversation, not now. Not when everything still felt so raw.
"What do you want me to do, then? Just... sit around and let all this shit eat me alive?!"

"I'm not saying that," he replied, his tone still calm.
"I just don't want to see you spiral. I care about you, Sero. I don't want this to get worse."

Sero sighed, pressing a hand to his forehead. He knew Shinsou was just trying to help, but it didn't feel like there was a simple solution. The smoking was a crutch, sure, but right now it was the only thing keeping him from falling apart.
"I'll be fine," he muttered, though he wasn't sure he believed it himself.

Shinsou watched him for a long moment, his expression a mixture of concern and sadness. He didn't push the issue any further that night, but Sero could tell it wasn't the end of the conversation.

Later that night, after they'd eaten dinner and settled in for another movie, Shinsou's words lingered in Sero's mind. He knew he was smoking too much, that it was starting to affect him in ways he didn't want to admit. But it was hard to stop - hard to face everything without something to take the edge off.

As the movie played in the background, Sero sat on the couch beside his boyfriend, his mind wandering. The boy glanced over at him, noticing the way Sero's knee bounced up and down, a nervous habit he hadn't had before.

"You're doing it again," Shinsou pointed out quietly.

"Huh?" The black haired boy blinked, looking over at him.

"The thing where you're in your head. You've been like this since the store," he said gently.
"You want to talk about it?"

The boy hesitated, torn between wanting to open up and not wanting to burden Shinsou with all the messy feelings he didn't even fully understand. But the purple haired boy was patient, waiting quietly beside him, offering support without pushing too hard.

Finally, Sero exhaled and leaned back against the couch.
"I don't know why seeing her messed me up so much. It's like... I thought I'd moved on, you know? I thought I was over it, but now... I don't know. I just feel... off."

Shinsou nodded, not saying anything but listening intently.

"I've been trying to keep it together," he continued, his voice a little quieter.
"But it feels like everything's slipping out of my control."

Shinsou reached out and took the boy's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"You don't have to do it alone."

The black haired boy let out a bitter laugh.
"It's not that easy, though."

"I know," Shinsou said softly.
"But I'm here. Whenever you're ready."

Sero didn't respond right away, but he felt a little lighter knowing that the other understood - even if he couldn't fix everything, he was there. They sat in silence for a while, the weight of the moment hanging between them.

———
Communication is key
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