He has my heart. L.s.

26

The party is honestly a shitty party. I mean the booze sucks, the music sucks, yet people are still off their arse drunk. Zayn and Perrie are in a room with two other people, hopefully just smoking pot or something.

I sip my what ever the hell it is, it doesn't have much of a kick to it. "Well hey there Louis," A voice says from behind me. I turn around leaning on the railing on the deck I'm on. Oh yeah the deck is shit too. I see a girl, curly brown hair, bright blue, eyes, lips full. "Party sucks right?" She groans.

"Pretty shitty," I mumble taking a sip of the shit drink. "Alcohol is shit too."

"Yeah I know. My brother was to much of a pussey to break into my Dad's liquor cabinet, so he bought this shit," she laughs dryly. "But lucky for you I only have a pussey and I broke into the cabinet and got the good stuff."

I nod pitching the cup. "That great," I hum in approval. "Shall we?"

It's a drink what's the worst that could happen, surly Harry won't get mad if I share a drink with a girl. We sit on the, I'm pretty sure, rotting stairs.
She opens the bottle taking a swig, then she hands it to me.

I take a swig enjoying the sweet burn going down my throat. "So you go to school with me right?"

She takes the bottle back. "Yep, not that you would've noticed," she shrugs.

"No, no I've seen you around."

"Oh please!" She laughs taking a large swig then handing it back to me. "Nobody notices me, just the way I like it you know? I was a cheerleader, perfect grades then I decided I don't need that shit," she says kicking her feet out in front of her. I laugh taking a swig nodding along.

"Football player. Needed money started dealing," I say handing the bottle over to her. She rolls hers sleeves up sighing. I take notice of her sleeve in progress, all the different designs.

"It's nothing yet, but we are getting there. Think that's cool you should see my dragon tattoo," she smirks taking a drink. I shake my head. Harry, think of Harry.

"So who's music? Yours or your brothers?" I ask hopefully she'll fall into the change of subject.

"As if I'd listen to this shit, I'm more of a Metallica type of person with the occasional Of Mice & Men," she says rolling her eyes. "Sometimes I swear my brother was suppose to be a girl. Wouldn't surprise me if he liked it up the arse."

I look away taking a drink of the liquor. I pull out a cigerette not caring if she hates smoking, but of course she just asks for me to light her up. I can already feel the familiar buzz of alcohol in my blood.

She goes on to tell me how she got arrested, honestly this chic reminds me of well me. She's reckless and careless. Has a mouth of a sailor obviously a rocker. She has zero fucks to give. By the end of her story the bottle is half empty, and trust me I feel it's affects. She's obviously tipsy.

"So your friends with Zayn right?" She slurs. I nod taking another large swig. "Handsome lad, only one to turn me down too."

"That's Zayn for you, loyal to his girl," I mumble taking another big gulp.

"I know you're not like that, you fuck girls left and right, but in a relationship with Eleanor Calder."

I snort shrugging. "I get bored."

"Well looks as if we are almost out of booze," the mystery girl says standing. "Follow me I'll get us more."

I shrug taking the last gulp of the drink tossing the bottle. I follow the girl up the stairs into a room, I think it's a study. She opens a cabinet picking out a bottle carfully, she turns back to me a wicked smile playing in her lips. "What do you say we finish this off in my room?" She says. I shrug letting her lead the way.

***

Her lips attack mine my hands tangled in her curly hair. Deep back in my mind I know this is wrong, honestly I don't know what happened. She pushes me back on the bed straddling my hips, my breathing already erratic. She grips my shirt pulling it off, then her lips attack my neck, sucking, biting. I don't imagine it's her, I picture another set of lips. It isn't her hair I'm pulling it's his. I strangle out a groan as she starts to move her hips, but it's not her it's Harry. I could almost swear it is.

***

"Well thanks for the good fuck," the girl whispers. I roll my eyes pulling my clothes back on, I'm pissed, beyond pissed. I'm still drunk, I can feel it. As soon as I step out of the room everything seems to get louder, the horrible music blowing my eardrums up. I tangle my fingers in my own hair tugging roughly at it. Why did I have to come to this stupid, shitty party. I walk around trying to find Zayn, I need to get home. I feel the tears prick my eyes, this is bad. He's going to hate me. Finally walking into a room I see four people sitting around taking a hit off some drug, pot most likely.

"Where's Zayn Malik?" I ask.

"Downstairs man," a very stoned dude says.

I run down the stairs my heart beating ten times faster than normal. He's going to hate me, I just made his biggest fear come true. I have betrayed him in the most horrible way. Finally I find Zayn I yank him and Perrie from the dance floor I can already feel the tears pricking my eyes further.

"I did something horrible! Unspeakable," I say.
Zayn's face goes serious. "Zee he's going to hate me!"

"Louis what did you do?" Perrie asks seeming much more sober than Zayn.

"Slept with this girl, I don't even know her name!
It's over, I'm such a fuck up! After I just convinced him I wasn't going to fuck El and he was the only one!"

"Louis!" Perrie groans.

"Mate," Zayn sighs. "Come on let's go find Liam and go to my place."

I nod becomeing shaky.

***

"What the hell do I tell him? He's going to hate my guts! He's never going to want to see me again!" I'm close to sobbing. Sophia and Perrie seem to be genuinely feeling bad for me. Zayn and Liam look almost frightened.

"He won't hate you I'm sure," Perrie tries to soothe me. "Just tell him you need to talk tomorrow."

I nod running a hand through my hair making it even more messy. I plop on the couch my head in my hands, the guilt I feel is more than anything I've ever felt.

"Damn you really care about him don't you?" Zayn asks.

"I think I'm in love with him."

Zayn stares at me with a shocked face, along with the others. Just like if I said the mother curse of all curse words.

"I thought I'd never see the day," Zayn mutters.

"This must be serious," Sophia says.

"He just said the "L" word!" Liam exclaims.

"Oh bloody hell," Perrie groans.

"I just want to tell him how sorry I am," I mumble.

"He just side the "S" word!" Liam says.

"I don't understand how he did it, but if he's got you saying love and apologizing then hell can freeze over before I let this end!" Perrie says in a matter-of-fact tone.

They can say it won't end, that they won't let it.
Sadly, I know Harry he will dump me faster than a vampire can run. He will hate me, that it's self scares me. I start breathing heavier, faster, gasping really.

"I can't breathe!" I yelp.

"Oh fuck me," Perrie sighs. "Lou your having a panic attack, breathe breathe. In and out, in and out. Slowly," she coaches me. Zayn hands me a paper bag. The only thing I'm focusing on is how much Harry hates me.

Harry hates me. He will never forgive me. Harry hates me.