He has my heart. L.s.

28

Sunday all I did is lay in bed claiming I was sick, thankfully Dad didn't bother me. I kept getting messages and calls from Niall, Liam, and even a few from Perrie. I ignored them all, now Monday I put on a smile the best as I can and walk off the bus. My jumper is a size bigger, but hey I like big jumpers. My eyes immediately locate Louis, he's sitting in the ground as Zayn and Perrie stand.

I walk toward the doors deciding to go to the toilets. I lift the jumper looking at my stomach, I know better than to touch the new cuts. I bite my lip gripping the sink staring into the mirror. I look horrible, sick even. The door opens Mikey walks in.
God I haven't seen him in forever.

"Hey cutie!" He smiles, I give a half smile. I feel horrible for turning him down for Louis.

"Hey Mike," I mumble shoving my hands in my pockets.

"You okay?" He asks patting my shoulder.

"Yea, just peachy."

He shrugs and I leave the bathroom, and of course I bump into Louis. Now up close I can see how red his eyes are and his nose, he looks as if he has been crying a lot. I quickly walk to my homeroom praying Niall will be in there. I feel like crying myself, I wish I would ve just stayed home. My depression was already a battle, I guess I didn't realize how much Louis made me happy, truly happy. My depression and anxiety have been so much worst, cutting more, more anxiety attacks, more suisidal thoughts. Being up on my roof I determined it was dangerous for me with my state of mind. I see Niall texting away on his phone, he sees me his face relaxing with relief. I sit down putting my face in my hands awaiting his lecture of how I worried him.

"Are you okay?" He asks his hand on my shoulder.

"No," I answer honestly. "He cheated on me Ni, not just a kiss but a full on slept with someone." Niall nods his eyes seem sad for me, after all he has been cheated on too.
"With a girl Ni, a girl. You know how that makes me feel?"

Niall frowns shaking his head. I lean back in my chair taking a deep breath. "The hardest part is not calling him."

"I'm sorry Haz, you really liked him and he just, I'm sorry," Niall says ruffling my hair. "Look at it like this you were jail bait anyway. He is eighteen and you're sixteen."

"It's only three years," I mumble pouting. "I want to get over him."

"Well I just happen to know there is a party this weekend, and there is a certain boy that has had crush on you since forever," Niall says.

"Sorry Ni you aren't my type," I chuckle.

"Not me you twat!" He snaps. "Glad to see you have a sense of humor, but I was talking about Mikey."

"Niall I don't want to string him along," I sigh.

"Then don't. One night at a party having fun with a couple of mates. I mean you'll have a lot of fun I promise," he smiles. I chew on the inside of cheek, deciding on what I want to do. You know what screw it!

"Yeah okay. I'll go."

"Well we are going to have a good time. My Dad's working so if you get pissed drunk then you can crash at mine," Niall smiles. I nod with a little sigh my mind still in that secret part about Louis.

***

The day seems to just drag on for far to long. I'm only in my last class which is writing, then I remember our project. We have to do a presentation and it's due in a few weeks.

"Today you have the class to work on your projects," Mr. Quinn says walking back to his desk.
The class erupts into conversation, I get up walking toward Louis. He looks up at me his eyes still red he brushes the fringe out of his eyes. He does look sad and slightly quitly, I wonder when I began to be able to read his looks.

"If you want to make things less awkward I can do it myself, I'll put your name on it," I say in a much to formal tone. Louis kicks the seat out in front of him nodding toward it. I sit in the red chair. He leans close.

"We don't have to be like this, formal and awkward," he mumbles.

"Do you want me to do the work or not?" I snap a bit harshly.

"Harry-"

"Louis of you don't mind I'd like to get this god awful project done, now give me a damn answer!" I whisper/yell. "I've already have a bit of it done while you were screwing some random."

He winces at my words, maybe I was a bit harsh.
That wasn't completely called for. He clenches his jaw looking to the side then he shakes his head no.
"No, I want to work too show me what you have," he says now in a more formal tone. I nod showing him the presentation on the desktop.

***

"So we're done?" He asks as I put the finishing touches on our project I nod. "Can we talk now?
About us?"

"No," I state simply.

He scoots hid chair closer so his fingers brush my shoulder. "I want to get back together," he mumbles.

"No, I won't allow to be hurt by you again," I say clenching my jaw.

"Harry, please it's killing me not being able to talk to you, I cried myself to sleep for the first time since I don't know when," he whispers.

"Louis you cheated on me with a girl I don't care if you were drunk or not, it still hurt and I don't want to feel that again," I say not being able to bring myself to look at him in his eyes.

"Harry please I've never felt feeling this strong, the guilt, the pain, the broken heart I don't like it. Can we at least talk about it?"

"Louis, no, I don't want to. Not all people come back to your beckoning," I snap.

"All I am asking for is for you to talk to me!" Louis pleas. "What do I have to do for you you to forgive me?! I already said I'm sorry!"

"I don't know Louis," I sigh. "I think you are just saying words, show me you mean it when you say you are sorry."

The bell rings I get up rushing out of the school to my bus, the cold weather increasing. Ah winter.
Defiantly looking forward to the party, maybe I'll sleep with someone too.