Hidden Love | KaiRain

CHAPTER 2:

KAI's Point of View

“I-I’m…” The words are there, nasa dulo na sya ng aking tongue. I know exactly what I need to say, but it’s like my voice is locked, stopping me from expressing myself. Nothing is coming out—not even a single sound.

“Ohh, I get it. Do you want 24C?” She looked at me, her expression a mix of worry and hope, like she was searching for something in my response.

“O-oh yeah, I'm just starving. It's making me crazy,” I joked, trying to hide the embarrassment creeping up my face. I had almost confessed, almost let the words slip.

Maybe this was a sign—a sign that I wasn’t meant to confess, that I should keep my feelings hidden. Or maybe, it was an even harsher sign, telling me to stop these feelings entirely. But deep down, I knew that wasn’t possible. No matter how much I tried to suppress it, every time I saw her, every time she laughed or smiled, my heart raced, like it was trying to break free. The little things she did, tilting her head when she asked a question, laughing at the smallest things, made everything around me feel slower, more vivid, like she was the center of my world—'center of my world', that's an understatement because she is my world.

She gave me a warm smile, but I could see a hint of confusion in her eyes. “Alright, one 24C coming later when you get home,” she replied, her tone lighthearted as if my awkward response was completely normal.

As we continued walking, I spotted a bench near the playground. My feet were killing me, so I turned to her. “Hey, how about we sit down for a while?” I suggested.

She agreed, and we settled down, letting a comfortable silence fall between us. Or at least, it was supposed to be comfortable. But with everything I was holding back, it felt like the silence was thickening, pressing down on me.

“Hey, I’m just gonna buy us some palamig, okay? It’s just across the street,” she said, standing up before I could even respond. And just like that, she was gone from my sight, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I stared at my hands, trying to calm my racing heartbeat. What just happened? I’d nearly let it all out. Nearly—no, I had to stop myself. I kept repeating in my mind, This isn’t the right time. Don’t ruin it. But my heart wasn’t listening.

It felt like I was caught in this tug-of-war. I didn’t want to risk ruining what we had. But… was it really just friendship? We had been spending so much time together lately, just the two of us. Late-night conversations, shared meals, inside jokes. Wasn’t that more than friendship? Wasn’t I more than just a friend she spent time with?

“Here,” a voice snapped me back to reality. I looked up to see her standing there, offering me a cold cup of palamig. “Are you really okay?” she asked, her gaze piercing, as if she could see right through me.

I took the cup from her, nodding even though I wasn’t entirely sure if I was okay. Being with her was calming, but the storm in my chest was anything but peaceful.

“Yeah, I’m okay. After all, you’re here with me.” I looked up at the sky, trying to lighten the mood, “I wish… I wish you’d always be by my side, kahit na I—” My voice trailed off as I realized what I’d almost said out loud. I love you more than a friend. Panic surged through me. I hadn’t meant to say that. I wanted to bury myself in the ground and never come out.

If she heard what I’d said, she didn’t show it. She just smiled softly and took a sip from her own drink, but her eyes lingered on me, like she was waiting for me to finish my thought. Maybe she’d noticed the shift in my tone, the vulnerability, or maybe I was imagining it.

“I… uh, you know what I mean, right?” I stammered, desperate to steer the conversation back into safer waters, away from the confession that had nearly escaped my lips.

She raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk dancing across her face. “Yeah, I get it. You’re just saying you’re okay, right?”

“Exactly,” I replied quickly, grateful that she’d chosen to misunderstand. "Just, you know, wanted to say I’m okay.”

She nodded, her eyes softening a bit. And for a moment, it felt like we were both content to let things stay unsaid, to let the words hang in the air without pushing any further.

We sat there in silence, sipping our drinks. Every nerve in my body was on high alert, wondering if she could feel this tension too. Part of me wanted her to say something, to break the silence, to bring it all to the surface, while another part of me wanted everything to stay exactly as it was—safe, comfortable, unspoken.

I opened my mouth, about to say something that would steer us back to normalcy, something safe and casual. But before I could, she did something that caught me completely off guard.

She reached over and placed her hand on mine, her fingers warm against my skin. Her touch was soft, almost tentative, like a silent reassurance.

“You don’t have to hide anything from me,” she said, her voice steady but tinged with something I couldn’t quite place. There was a knowing look in her eyes, a mixture of understanding and maybe… something more. “You can talk to me naman, okay?”

I looked up at her, my breath catching. My heart pounded in my chest, urging me to finally say what had been trapped inside. To let her know that she was so much more than just a friend to me. That my feelings were real, and I didn’t want to hide them anymore.

But the words wouldn’t come. I wasn’t ready to take that leap. Not yet.

Instead, I managed a quiet “Thank you.” My voice was barely a whisper, but she smiled, squeezing my hand gently.

“Anytime,” she replied, and in that moment, I could feel the comfort in her words. It wasn’t about me confessing or pushing myself to reveal everything right now. It was about being here with her, sharing this moment, and allowing whatever was between us to grow naturally, without pressure or expectations.

As we sat together, her hand still in mine, I felt a strange sense of peace, mixed with the undeniable thrill of being so close to her. My heart still raced, but it wasn’t from fear anymore. It was excitement, anticipation. I didn’t need to rush. I realized that the timing would come, that someday soon, I’d be ready to tell her everything.

For now, this was enough—to simply be by her side, feeling her warmth, letting our connection deepen with each passing moment. And maybe, just maybe, one day she would feel the same way.

But my heart still couldn't quiet its racing thoughts.

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