Invergent

Chapter Eleven

McKell's Perspective:

We walk into the dormitory and me and Parker immediately claim two beds in the far corner of the room. The other Candor initiates pick beds near us, as well. Chrissy is right next to me. Parker sits on my bed with me and grabs my hand.

"So, how did you two meet?" Chrissy asks.

"Well," Parker says, looking at me, "I've had a crush on her since primary school. I would watch her in class and dream about talking to her, but I was always too nervous. It wasn't until about a year ago that I finally worked up the courage to ask her out."

"I didn't know he existed until then," I say with a laugh. "I said yes to be polite, but I didn't expect anything to come of it."

"I was a total mess during the entire date," Parker says. "I rambled on about nothing and barely let her get a word in all night."

"It was kind of cute." I smile at Parker. "I could tell how nervous he was. It showed me how seriously he was taking it." 

"I was so embarrassed that I wasn't even going to ask her out again–"

"So I asked him. And then it just snowballed from there. We started meeting every morning before school, and after school whenever we could, too."

Parker squeezes my hand. "Our one year anniversary is in about a week."

"Wow, exciting!" Chrissy says. "Do you have a big date planned?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," Parker says to me with a wink. I blush slightly. I know he can't have made any plans yet, since we just got here and barely know our way around, but I'm still excited. Especially because everything is more exciting in Dauntless. 

"So, what do you think of Dauntless so far, Sal?" Chrissy asks. "Is it everything you dreamed?"

"Um, it's definitely something. I was not expecting there to be cuts," Sal says nervously.

"Yeah, it's a little scary," she says. "But you're a big guy, Sal, I'm sure you'll do great!" 

He shifts uncomfortably and nods once.

"Well, maybe he'll do okay if he can hit his target," Polly says from a few beds over. "But with a size like that, I don't expect him to be able to move faster than a sloth."

Polly and Dru snicker and Sal turns red.

"Hey, come on, don't be rude," I say.

"Of course not, wouldn't want to offend you, your highness," Polly snides.

"Hey, back off," Parker growls.

"Just ignore them," I whisper.

"Time to change the subject," Chrissy announces. "Did you guys notice the way Erin was looking at McKell today?"

"What?" I ask. "What do you mean?"

"He couldn't keep his eyes off you!" she exclaims. Parker clenches his jaw.

"I'm sure that's not true–" I start.

"Oh, it's true. In fact, I thought he was going to murder Parker right there and then. He was totally jealous."

"You're being ridiculous," I say, rolling my eyes. "He doesn't even know me."

"Hey, don't sell yourself short, babe," Parker says, putting an arm around my shoulders. "Don't worry, I'll fight off every guy here if I have to."

I roll my eyes. "You're so sweet."

We chat and joke for several more minutes before someone comes and takes us to get our new Dauntless clothes. I pick out a few outfits, all of them tight and easy to move around in. I change into some black leggings and a black tank top, then lie down on my bed facing Parker. I stare into his green eyes, which practically glow in the dark room, until I can't keep my eyes open any longer. 

That night, I have a dream about my mother. We both sit on my bed in my old Candor bedroom. Everything is just how I remember it, from my purple polka-dot comforter to my vanity mirror plastered with pictures of me and my friends. "Mom," I say. "I think you need to tell him. Isn't that what you've always told us? That withholding words is the same as lying?"

She sighs. "That may be true most of the time, but this is different, honey. There's no way telling the truth would improve the situation. It would only hurt people."

"Then are you just going to live like this forever, with the truth all bottled up? How can you stand to keep a secret this big for the rest of your life?"

"It's just something I'll have to deal with. I've done harder things." She smiles a little. "Talking to you about it has been a huge help, too."

My temper flares. "But how can you ask me to keep this a secret, too?" I stand up, pacing the room angrily. "All my life, I've been taught that lying is the worst sin a person can commit; that our society will collapse if we aren't one-hundred percent truthful—and now you, the person I look up to the most in the world, comes to me with this huge secret and just expect me to be fine lying about it to everyone? Lying to Dad?"

"Sweetie—"

"No, I can't do it! The guilt will eat me alive!" I pull at my hair, feeling a little crazed. 

Mom grabs my arm and sits me down next to her on the bed. "Listen, McKell, I know this is a terrible burden I've put on you, but this isn't your secret to tell. Let this be my burden, and mine alone."

"Mom, you're pregnant. And the baby isn't Dad's!  How on earth am I supposed to just forget about that and move on with my life?"

She clutches my arm tightly. "No one can know! If we tell him, our family will fall apart. We won't survive this. But, if we keep this secret, you and I, everything can stay the same—"

"I'm sorry," I stand and walk to the bedroom door. "But I just can't look at you the same way anymore. I don't think I can talk to you. Not until you tell him."