Some girls do

Chapter 34: Kazuha

I kick off my shoes and flick on a lamp.

Usually, Bangchan is home by now, but I'm glad he's not this time. I don't need an audience while getting dumped for the second time today, which is what I'm pretty sure has happened-or is still in the middle of happening now-especially after essentially getting fired too.

A bunch of mail was shoved through our mail slot, so I scoop it off the floor, carry it to the table, and flip through it as Chaewon unlaces her sneakers and leaves them by the door. It's mostly junk mail, but then I see a letter from the dean of admissions at my college. Or, well, my potential college.

"Oh my god," I say, dropping the envelope.

"What?" Chaewon grabs it off the floor and reads the label. "Is this your school?"

"Yeah," I say, our arguing put on hold as 100 percent of my focus is shifted to the envelope in her hands.

"It's light." She bounces it up and down a little. "Is it good that it's light?"

"How should I know? Everything else from them has been an email!"

Chaewon holds it out to me with a small smile on her face. "Only one way to find out."

"I can't." I shake my head. "You do it."

"Are you sure? This is kind of a big moment."

"Open it," I say. "Please, I'm dying."

Chaewon takes a deep breath, carefully tears open the top, and then slowly pulls out a single page.

"Read it faster! Come on!"

"Okay, okay," she says. A grin spreads across her face as her eyes scan the page.

"It's good?"

Chaewon nods. "It's really good."

"Let me see." I snatch the letter out of her hand, nearly tearing the paper in the process. My eyes scan it quickly. It's a very kind letter about the official reinstatement of their offer and how excited they are to formally invite me to join their team.

For a second everything clicks into place, and all happiness is restored. I get to go to my dream school; I get to run for my dream school.

And then I notice the date on the letter-the day after it was announced that my lawsuit was formally dropped.

Of course.

I scrunch the paper up in my hand.

It was all for nothing. The lawsuit didn't help anyone; I didn't help anyone. I'm right back where I started, like nothing ever happened. I took a stand to change the world, and all I did was make life infinitely harder for the people on my side.

"Kazuha? What's wrong?" Chaewon asks, and I just . . . I can't with her anymore. I can't with this time loop I seem to be stuck in. Same situations, different faces. I'll love you, but I won't tell you. I'll kiss you, but it has to be a secret. I feel like I'm going to scream.

"I need to be alone right now." I rush to my bedroom and bury my face in the pillows, trying not to cry. The bed dips a moment later as Chaewon sits beside me, rubbing my back. I sniffle a little and sit up. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to help. I don't know what's wrong, but-"

"You don't know anything, Chaewon."

"I know you just found out you're definitely in at your top-choice school, and those do not look like tears of joy." She wipes at my cheek. "I don't understand. I thought this was what you wanted."