title from step on me- the cardigans
mickey believes ian has the freedom to do whatever he wants, but he doesn't, not with him.
warning: sad mickey :(
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Ian and Mickey were currently at an event. One of those prissy, stuck up rich people ones, as Mickey would, and has said.
Unfortunately Mickey was already in a bad mood, and just wanted to go home. It was hard to do that with Ian socializing with every single person he saw though. He tried to make himself smaller, looking down to avoid glances in the corner he was in.
He wasn't made for this. He wasn't made to be around these people, he wasn't made to socialize like this, he wasn't.. supposed to. Some days he wants to be angry at Ian. A part of him was grateful he wasn't out doing drug runs, staying at home with his family. Other days he thought maybe he was supposed to.
He closed his eyes, sighing. Ian.. was made for this though. He always knew, since the first fucking day he saw Ian he wasn't meant for the South Side of Chicago. He was meant to be in a place like this, it fit him so well. He cant help but think he may have held Ian back from this.
Lifting his head up, he suddenly felt heavy seeing his husband talk with other people. He got the feeling he needed to leave, so he did.
He felt tears spring to his eyes for the first time since Terry died, but he didn't know why. He shakily opened the car door, pulling his body inside the drivers seat. He leaned back, feeling his head go foggy.
There was nobody around, and it was awfully quiet. Just another thing he wasn't sure about. Another thing he knew Ian liked, but he didn't. A small, childlike part of him wanted to go home. Even if it was full of guns, abuse, it was home.
He felt his chest get heavier and heavier as he thought about it, and he heaved out a sob as it got too heavy. His hands flew to his face as he attempted to hide himself, even though he knew he didn't have too.
He let out loud cries, body shaking as he slowly forgot where he was, and eventually, stopped hearing what was around him. Especially his phone. He wasn't sure how long it had been, but he immediately snapped out of his trance as he heard the door beside him flying open.
"Mickey?! What happened, i've been tryin' to look for you, i've.. i've called-" Ian ranted, slowing down at seeing the state his husband was in.
"Mick.. What happened?" He tried again, calmer now.
"Nothing- Fuck away from me, Ian." Mickey said, attempting to sound tough, yet only sounding like a hurt animal.
Ian only looked at him for a second before gently moving Mickey to the passengers seat, surprised he wasn't hit for it. He got in the drivers seat, and began to drive off.
Mickey weakly turned his head to him, confused. "It's not over yet, why are we leavin'?"
"Just going up here, Mick." Ian said, quickly pulling over and parking in a dimly lit, empty parking lot. Lotta those when the event was held in the middle of fuckin' nowhere on the west side.
"Talk to me. Knew you weren't gonna say anything where anyone could walk out and see you like this." He said, turning the car off.
Mickey only looked at him for a minute before bursting into tears again. "I- Do we have to- fuckin' talk about this, man?" He said, voice getting higher at the end.
"Yes, Mickey. We're married, we have our own lives, we've been working on communication, right?" Ian said, placing his hand on his husbands thigh. Mickey didn't jump much anymore when he did that, but he did tonight.
"This about us, Mick..?" He asked, pretty hesitant.
"I can't be with you, Gallagher." Mickey said, pulling his thighs closer together, as an attempt to get the touch he grew to love away from him. He didn't look at Ian after that. Especially with how quiet it got.
After a while, he heard something he didn't wanna hear.
"Why?" Ian asked, firmly keeping his hand where it was. Mickey didn't want to explain. He wanted Ian to get angry. He hated he wasn't, he hated how he would be different if Ian said that to him, even now.
"I cant.. we're different. I cant be here, Ian. You look so happy, youre so fuckin' fine being here on the west side, im not- not used to this like i thought id be, Ian. Im gonna ruin this, i miss Iggy and Mandy, i miss-" Mickey said, a sob escaping him at the end.
"I was never made for this, Ian."
Ian gently held Mickeys hands, making Mickey look at him. "You deserve this, Mickey Milkovich. You deserve to be happy too. If you're having trouble with this, we can look at an inbetween. Not quite where we came from, but not like this. A neighborhood thats mostly safe, just with some shit happenin' once in a while. But we will not go back to the south side. Not only you, I deserve this, We deserve this, and I want this with you, Mickey. I wanna be where you are, and i know you wanna stay with me. If you'll let me, i want to work with you on this. I love you, and i need you to love me enough to work with me." He said, tearing up at the end.
"Don't give up now, Mickey."
Mickey thought, and nodded after a while. "An.. inbetween sounds fair."
That night, they went home, Ian cooked them dinner, and they talked. Mickey felt like a dick for trying to just leave, and Ian agreed, but forgave him anyway.
the end :)
A/N: guys i ran out of creative juices at the end how we feelin fam
