Touch Not My Heart (BeyMala)

2."I Still Love Her"

Author's Note: Keep the comments and votes coming, y'all! The more engagement I see from you, the more updates you'll get! Thank you! 🥰

___
____________

Kamala's P.O.V.

Have you ever been so mentally and emotionally tired to the point where you just didn't have anymore fight left in you? Well, that's where I was at. I was done fighting. I was done fighting with a man almost every day, just so that I could keep my father happy. My father wanted me to marry this rich man. So I did....And I stayed miserably married to him for thirteen years. Until one day I decided that I just couldn't do it anymore. I wanted out immediately!

It was a Monday afternoon....It looked gloomy outside due to it raining off and on throughout the day. I stood in my walk-in closet and began to cry bitterly. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to gather my things and leave. For good this time!

In the past, I had left Doug twice. However, each time I either let him or my parents talk me into going back to him. But this time I was serious about leaving him and never coming back. The last straw was when I found out he was cheating on me again. This was his second time. But it was definitely going to be his last.

The first time Doug cheated on me was in 2012. Which was just one year after we had gotten married. He had an affair with one of his employees. A woman that I was actually suspicious about, but Doug said I was just being paranoid and that he had absolutely no interest in her or anyone else....That was a lie!

I was devastated and wanted a divorce after discovering Doug had been unfaithful. I could no longer trust him and I fell out of love with him within a blink of an eye. I let my parents talk me into giving him another chance though. We went through marriage counseling and he was constantly spoiling me with what I call "guilt gifts". But nothing Doug did could cause me to fall back in love with him. My body was there with this man, but my heart had left him the moment he cheated.

Two years later in 2014, Doug and I got into a huge fight one evening. I stormed out of the house and drove to my friends Taraji and Fantasia's house. A lesbian couple I became friends with back in college....

"Girl, you should've divorced his ass a long time ago! Ain't no way you should still be with him after what he did with that bitch!", Taraji exclaimed.

"I'm so serious when I say I don't even want to go back home. I'm just so fucking tired of him", I said.

"Mala, you gotta stop trying to please your parents. I feel like you only stayed with Doug because that's what they wanted you to do. Especially your daddy", Fantasia said.

"It's just hard, Tasia. A part of me is lowkey scared to start all over."

"Girl....you need to tap into your bisexuality and hook up with a woman again! If Doug can have a mistress so can you", Taraji stated.

I laughed. "Girl, bye! I'm not about to do what he did. Two wrongs don't make a right."

"Kamala.....The only reason why you stopped messing with girls is because your daddy found out about you and Angela back in college. He said it was wrong, told you he wanted you to be with a man, and you left Angela alone. Next thing I know, you ended up marrying some rich, white dude. And now you can't stand his ass!", Fantasia exclaimed.

I realized I was bisexual in middle school. But it wasn't until I met a girl named Angela Basset in college that I had my first sexual experience with another female. Actually, I had sex with a woman before I had sex with a man! Angela was my first. I really liked her. We even started dating each other exclusively. But my parents decided to pay me a surprise visit one day on campus. They caught me kissing Angela and my father had a fit!