𝙎𝙐𝙉𝙎𝙀𝙏 𝘽𝙊𝙐𝙇𝙀𝙑𝘼𝙍𝘿 // 𝙍𝙊𝙎𝙀́ 𝙓 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍

𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙁𝙞𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣 - 𝙎𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙣𝙖

2024

Irene walks into my home with ease. She's a completely different character from a few days ago. Long gone was the woman who was nervous to even breathe the same air as me. In front of me now was a woman who knew what she wanted, who pushed even when I hated it. She was growing in her confidence, a sight that made me sit up straighter with pride. Being with Irene Holt is like being in the presence of my non-existent child.

I can't help but imagine Irene being the child that Y/N and I never had.

I watch carefully as she sips on the iced latte that I made her. Warmth spreads across my chest when I see the sheer happiness in her eyes from that one sip. Moments like this makes me wonder what it would've been like to have my own flesh and blood, to be able to take care of someone else who wasn't my wife. I don't regret many things, I'm not one who gets stuck in the past but children — the idea of them, the idea of carrying one, has been on my mind more and more everyday.

The 'what if's' are inevitable. I wonder how it would have been like to carry a baby in my stomach for nine months. I wonder how thrilled Y/N would have been to be able to take care of me while I was growing our baby. It keeps me up at night, the thought of what we would have been like as parents. It haunts me.

Irene Holt is the closest thing I have to a child and it makes me wonder how I'd be as a mother.

Would I have been a good one? Would I have loved her as much as I loved Y/N?

On days when I'm held prisoner of my own thoughts, I wonder how it would have been like. Would she have looked like me? Would she have looked like Y/N? I'm far too old to have one of my own now but I wonder — and that's the worst part.

Irene stacks newspapers in front of me. I watch in amusement as she carefully arranges them neatly into two piles. I reach across the table and pick one up.

IS HOLLYWOOD'S GOLDEN COUPLE OVER?

The headline dates back to 1965. I lift up another one and it's essentially the same title as the article from Hollywood Today. I quickly catch on that each newspaper that Irene brought details one of the tumultuous times in my marriage with Y/N. It was a time that I hate remembering, mainly because it was the one thing I've never forgave myself for. It hurts looking at the newspapers and I feel the familiar lump start to form in my throat.

Irene doesn't seem to notice. I seem to have some acting skills left.

"Why do you have these?" I look at the papers with disgust. Irene continues to munch happily on her croissant and my heart aches at how innocent she looks. "I was going through some archives yesterday when I got home and I found these," Irene starts reading out each headline from that time and I feel myself cringe. "There were so many printed out that it made me curious. Did you two almost divorce?"

I was surprised that Y/N didn't divorce me. I certainly would have.

"Those papers are not true. Y/N never went to see her lawyers for that reason."

Irene looks at me curiously. The inevitable was going to happen soon enough. I knew that by agreeing to this interview, I was going to have to get to the nitty gritty details of my life. I already knew that and prior to Y/N's death, she also knew that this interview was going to shed light on all our issues. The bad, the ugly, the absolutely heart wrenching truths. Irene seems to notice my far away look, she comes to my side and puts a tentative hand on my shoulder. "....we don't have to discuss this if you're not comfortable with it."