This is the life

16

Meredith was attempting to play with Grace from her bed

"Monkey, we'll go for a walk soon, do you have everything you need?" Meredith asked

"Uhu!" Grace giggled and started running around

"Hey, are you ready for a walk?" Mark smiled at the two

"Yes please!" Meredith nodded eagerly

"Let me help you carefully." Mark said and lifted her into the wheelchair, he heard her wince in pain but hoped getting out would be worth it. She still wasn't allowed to walk long distances on uneven grounds

"Gracie, stay close to mama, please." Meredith said, reaching out to hold her daughter's hand but the girl escaped

"Grace, stay close." Mark said sternly

"Thanks." Meredith muttered

"What did Amy say?" Mark asked her

"That I can't operate again.. But I can still be a doctor, that's what we're working for.." Meredith muttered

"So you'd get around with your crutches?" Mark asked her

"Well, it should be possible with just a cane, just for some extra stability." Meredith replied

"That are Amy's words?" Mark asked, not really believing her

"She said I might need my crutches or wheelchair but I don't want that. My cane will do." Meredith said sternly

"Start accepting the help and aids you need, Meredith." Mark frowned

"Leave it, Mark." She groaned and wanted to push herself, but her back was sore from PT so it was extremely hard

"Please don't start like this, Meredith.." Mark almost lost his patience

"Like what?" Meredith spat out and turned herself around, making it impossible for Mark to touch her

"God Meredith.. Almost a year has passed by and it's horrible to watch you from the side, unable to help you because you push us away!" Mark said calmly but his emotions showing

"Because nothing is the same anymore and I didn't ask for that.. Derek blames me for what happened and he's maybe right.. but what did I have to do? Meanwhile Richard keeps calling me, he keeps showing up and I can't be a mom to Gracie, I'm this stupid person that needs help to even grab herself a cup coffee!" She whimpered

"Oh Mer.." Mark kneeled down and hugged her tight. "Derek doesn't blame you, he's an idiot and doesn't know how to deal with everything."

"And that's because of me." Meredith winced as crying hurt still

"That's because of Ellis!" Mark said sternly

"I don't wanna live like this, Mark. It hurts so bad.. it hurts so much and I don't dare tell anyone except Amy.." Meredith admitted

"But Mer.. why? We're all here to help you out." Mark assured her, softly stroking her head in a try to calm her down, seeing how she was in pain

"I'm scared Derek will divorce me.." Meredith said for the first time ever

"He would never, Mer.." Mark sighed and rubbed her back gently

"You don't know that.. the fights we've been having, it's not okay, Mark.. it's not okay.." Meredith muttered

"Mama mama! Daddy home!" Grace ran towards her mom, she saw Derek parked his car on their porch

"Yes.. daddy's home." Meredith took a shaky breath, drying her tears quickly as Grace started running towards her dad

"Grace, wait!" Mark yelled

"Please go get her, I'll be there soon." Meredith said, starting to push herself with some difficulty, using her feet a little to move herself

"Hey munchkin, we told you to wait." Mark quickly scooped up the little girl and hurried back to get Mer, he couldn't leave her struggling on her own

He pushed Meredith, at least tried to, while carrying Grace who was wiggling in Mark's arms, begging to be free

"Hey!" Derek walked up to them, once he was close enough Mark let go of the tiny girl

"Daddy! Daddy!" She ran off

"Hello my little princess, how are you?" He asked his now six year old

"Good! I played with Eliza!" She giggled

"Oh really? Where is she now?" Derek asked, lifting her in his arms

"With auntie Addie!" Grace giggled as they walked up to Mark and Meredith

"Hey you two." Derek smiled and walked over to give Meredith a quick kiss

"Hey. Maybe I should take Grace inside, I got a little present for her, I think you two should talk." Mark eyed Meredith, took Grace in his arms and walked up to the house

"What's wrong?" Derek frowned

"Can you- Do you- Do you have some time?" Meredith carefully asked

"Of course." Derek frowned. "Can I push you to our patio?"

"Yeah." Meredith muttered and remained quiet until Derek sat down next to her on the bench

"So.." Derek carefully started

"Something needs to change, Derek. I can't do this any longer, you can't do this.. This breaks us and I don't want Gracie to be the victim of all of this."

"I know.." He sighed, clearly he felt the same

"I'm so sorry for what happened, I never would have gone if I knew what would have happened.. I'm just so done with being like this, needing to lay in bed most of the day.. I haven't been able to tuck Grace in ever since the accident.." Meredith teared up

"You're not the one who needs to be sorry." Derek cupped her cheek

"Well.. sometimes you share that thought with me." Meredith looked away

"I'm so sorry.. I never should have said those things.. I'm just.. it's not an excuse.. but I hate to see you struggle, I hate to see you in pain and you never ask any help, it's hard, Meredith.. it's hard to know what you need if you're not talking.." Derek sighed

"I'll try.. Mark made me realize." Meredith whimpered. "It feels like you're avoiding going to bed with me.. I fall asleep on my own and often wake up on my own." She carefully said

"Because I don't know if you're in pain, I'm worried I might hurt you during the night.." Derek rubbed his head

"It hurts me more to feel so alone sometimes.." Meredith quietly admitted. "I don't feel like a mother or a wife anymore.."

"I'm really sorry.. I never meant to do that.. I love you, Meredith.." Derek kissed her head softly

"I love you too.. I'm also sorry." Meredith whispered, attempting to lean in to kiss her husband's lips

"Easy, let me be the one that kisses you." He said softly and kissed her deep. "How does your back feel?"

"Sore.. I think I need to lay down a bit."

"Let's go inside, we can watch a movie with Gracie." Derek got up and helped her inside