Renascent

One

Fours POV:

"FEAR GOD ALONE." I've been staring at the wall in my apartment for what feels like hours, but in reality, it's been days—weeks, even. I've lost all sense of time; the days and nights have merged into one long, surreal hallucination. I feel paralyzed, both physically and mentally.

As a child, I believed the brutal beatings from my father would be the worst I'd ever endure. Then my mother faked her death, forcing me to mourn my only protector, the one person who made me feel safe. The pain from those beatings now feels like mere pins and needles compared to the agony of losing her. I couldn't have been more mistaken; losing the love of my life has been the most excruciating experience. Since she left, an ache has settled in my chest, growing larger each day, threatening to consume me whole.

It's officially been a month since we returned to Chicago, and I came back the same day as the shooting, desperate to escape. At first, I wasn't sure where I was going; I found myself wandering through crowds, searching for her face, straining to hear her voice calling my name. My heart instinctively led me back to Dauntless, to my old apartment, a place I hadn't spent a night in since Dauntless reclaimed the compound during Jeanine's hunt for divergents.

..............................

Flash Back:
I finally lay down in my bed, grappling with the whirlwind of changes in my life over the past day. As soon as I hit the sheets, her scent envelops me, overwhelming every part of me. Memories flood back, and my tears turn into uncontrollable sobs. I see flashes of our time together: the first jumper, the ferris wheel, our first kiss, her goofy self high on the peace serum. I remember both the joyous moments and the painful ones. And finally, I see our last goodbye, when I told her I loved her and that I would see her soon. If only I had known what was coming. Eventually, I give in to my exhaustion and drift off into a restless sleep.