The chaos inside her head, the numbness of her heart and the doubts she had while battling to breath each loud & stormy night.
So loud as my heart could hear, I keep on hiding in my sheets, wandering around the circles, as it roars heardly. On and on, off the shelves, I keep on crossing the same ironic roads of uncertainties, doubts, and even unconsciousness, unable to feel anything else aside from nothing. Numb, numb as a steel, unable to recognize pain, struggles, and circumstances left in jeopardy.
My life's full of glory, while it has horns of evil, the demolished angels may come again disguising in vain. This storm's pouring so loudly, that it can never hear what I seek the most, steadily leaving my doors closed. What I felt was so severe, that I can no longer understand the structures of my written poems and journals. Above all, what I seek was freedom, not for me but for my soul — as it is to me, something I crave for.
The beans of my shattered being, the dreams I just started to water, the blazing fire I kept from a cold graveyard — it's all chaotic and randomly penetrated by loopholes of shadows creeping in my darkest, fearful, and sinful puzzles of fortune and forge of powerful mental clash. With an enormous fluttering words escaped from a deceiving statutes of greed, I pleaded with my bended knees, fingers crossed, eyes tightly closed, while tears runs through my checks with a heavy weep of creed. All at once, the cycle’s been with me during my triggered times.
It keeps me awake at night, keeps me asleep in the daylight. Was I hard on myself nor life's hard on me? Was this journey a scrabble nor a test in disguise? And what if this life ends up in the field of dumps?
As I struggle to make up my mind, I have lived through it too long, that I can no longer escape from wanting to be alone. I have seen this scenery, long before I can no longer understand myself. And I wasn't fearful of the things I might caught up with, it's just that, in the midst of these storms I want to fight alone. After this hurricane, I might end up being lured by ungrateful souls but I shiver to be embraced by darkness, so I'd possibly fight back and put back my life on track.
In this very lifetime, as I walk across these streets, I'd be grateful to maneuver a boat in another fortunate life.
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