𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ~ 𝐉𝐔𝐃𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐀𝐌

𝟎𝟐.

𝐈𝐍𝐄S 𝐏𝐎𝐕

SPAIN. I can't go to Spain knowing that Jude will be in the same country as me, I could run into him.

"Kiloni you know I don't wanna go to Spain what if..."

She then looked up from her phone from looking at flights "Ines ,Jude could be anywhere in Spain it's a pretty big country it's not like your gonna run into him or anything trust me on this."

I then looked down at my hands and start to fiddle with them "Kiloni I can't go to Spain what if I do run into him and start to spill everything out about Jeremiah."

She then looks at me like I'm being stupid "Ines you can't keep Jeremiah away from Jude for his whole life he's gonna have to find out at some point it's his son for gods sake and Jeremiah will grow up without a dad and we planned to go away after Jeremiah was born but I really need this holiday."

I then start to bottle up with all different kind of emotions and start to feel like I am a horrible mum for not telling Jude about his son maybe I am overthinking this too much.

"Kiloni you know it's different now and you know why."

I then go upstairs and pick Jeremiah up from his nap as it was time to feed him.

Kiloni then followed me to the kitchen and says "Right I'm sorry I brought up Jude and the way I said it but to be honest Spain isn't a small country he could be anywhere and as far as I know he could be training for a match or even on a coach to another part of Spain for an away game please just consider it even if I we just pick at random where we go in Spain."

I then thought for a second and thought to myself that Kiloni was right there's less than 50 % chance to see him face to face and how hard can it be to be in the same country as him.

I then said "Fine we'll go to Spain but if I see him I'm getting on the first plane back to Birmingham I don't want him knowing anything about Jeremiah."

Kiloni then excitedly runs to grab her phone and books the tickets for the flight and any 5 star hotel that was available for us both.

She then looks at me and Jeremiah "You are gonna tell Jude some day though right?"

I nod "Of course I can't keep it from him but just for now I will when the time is right."

Kiloni then nods. I then question "What day have you booked for our flights?"

Kiloni then says "This Saturday." I then nod which leaves us with 3 days to pack.

Mum got back to me about having Jeremiah for 4 days and said she was happy to luckily because we already booked our flights. I put Jeremiah in his bed so he can nap while I can pack in peace, I really hope that I don't see Jude as much as I miss him and want to tell him everything to hope that we can be a family. I just can't what if he doesn't want to be a dad to his child? Or not ready to be a family? This is the exact reason why I've kept it a secret from him because if he can't have time for me while doing his football career then why should he have time for his son.
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