𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 || 𝑺𝑬𝑶𝑲𝑺𝑶𝑶

seven(teen)

Joshua stormed out of Seokmin’s dorm, his footsteps heavy, echoing in the quiet hallway. The door had barely closed behind him before the words that Seokmin had said started looping in his mind, a haunting whisper that refused to be silenced.

"I love you"

Joshua scoffed under his breath, jaw clenched tightly as he headed back to his own room. The phrase grated against everything he believed in, everything he thought he’d wanted. It was ridiculous that such a simple, sentimental statement could leave him feeling so disoriented, so… uncomfortable. But the warmth of it, the way Seokmin had said it—soft and almost reverent—wasn’t something Joshua could just brush off as easily as he usually did. He should have laughed, scoffed, thrown some cutting remark to remind Seokmin of how foolish he was to ever expect anything real. But he hadn’t. And that was what bothered him.

Joshua had always been aware of how affection and pleasure worked on a purely biological level. He’d studied it, understood it better than most people. Oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin—he knew their effects like the back of his hand. He’d read the studies, memorized the chemical responses, dissected every process in his mind until he could explain away every pang of affection, every fleeting moment of tenderness as nothing more than brain chemistry. He was a top student, after all. His mind was sharp, analytical. He wasn’t some fool who believed in romance or love—he knew better than to fall into that trap. Love, as he saw it, was nothing more than an addiction—a craving for pleasure and validation that people dressed up in flowery words.

So why couldn’t he dismiss Seokmin’s confession the same way? Why did those words—simple, almost embarrassingly naive—linger like a weight in his chest? They were just words. Three words he’d heard a million times in movies, books, from strangers he had no interest in. But hearing them from Seokmin, in that trembling, vulnerable voice, was like an unfamiliar spark inside him, and it unsettled him.

Joshua clenched his fists, annoyed by his own reaction. "I love you." The phrase repeated in his mind, relentless. And worse, a part of him almost… liked the sound of it. That thought made him stop mid-step, disgusted with himself. Liked it? He didn’t want to like it. He’d built his life around avoiding these kinds of feelings, priding himself on his immunity to sentimentality. People threw themselves at him all the time, desperate for attention, for a piece of him, but he never reciprocated, never even entertained the thought. He liked keeping people at a distance, liked the control that came with it. So why, with Seokmin, did he suddenly feel something slipping, something he couldn’t control?

Joshua took a deep breath, telling himself it was just the residual effects of their time together—chemicals doing their job, flooding his mind with false warmth, creating an illusion of something deeper. That’s all it was. Nothing more. It was dopamine, oxytocin, the body’s way of making people believe in connections that didn’t actually mean anything. He knew the science, knew exactly how his brain was tricking him. He understood that everything he felt in that moment was just a high, no different than any other addict’s craving.

But it didn’t explain why Seokmin’s words had hit him like a punch to the gut, leaving him feeling off-balance, uncertain. He wanted to ignore it, shove it aside and let it fade into nothing. Yet, despite his best efforts, the memory of Seokmin’s voice, the soft vulnerability in his eyes, kept replaying itself, filling his chest with a sensation he couldn’t name.

"I love you," Seokmin had said, and there had been a softness in his gaze, a sincerity that made Joshua’s stomach twist in a way he hated.

He shook his head, trying to dispel the thought. It didn’t mean anything. Seokmin was just… infatuated, caught up in the illusion of what Joshua represented. It was temporary, fleeting. Seokmin would move on, just like anyone else would. And yet, the thought of Seokmin moving on, of someone else being the one to hear those words, to receive that sincerity, made Joshua’s jaw clench harder.