𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 || 𝑺𝑬𝑶𝑲𝑺𝑶𝑶

four

Seokmin returned to his dorm, each step heavier than the last. The light, joyful aura he was known for felt like a distant memory now, an identity slipping through his fingers with every encounter he had with Joshua. Every laugh, every smile that used to come so naturally now felt forced, a thin mask covering the emptiness inside him.

He collapsed onto his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as the day’s events replayed in his mind like a broken record. Joshua’s words echoed in his ears, mocking, relentless. “You're the one who keeps coming back ” “It's pathetic” “I am giving you a purpose ” The cruelty behind those words was a weight he couldn’t shake off, a reminder of just how much control Joshua had over him.

Desperate for distraction, he reached for his phone, scrolling mindlessly through social media in hopes of silencing his thoughts. But the universe seemed to have other plans. Just a few posts in, Jeonghan’s bright smile appeared on his screen. Seokmin’s heart clenched, his thumb freezing as he took in the photo.

There was Jeonghan, cheerful and blissful as always, his arm wrapped around Joshua’s shoulders as they sat together in a café. The caption was simple but heart-wrenching: "With my favourite person!"

Seokmin’s lips trembled, a faint scoff escaping him as he stared at the photo. His favourite person. That’s all Jeonghan ever saw Joshua as—a wonderful, kind, loving partner. He didn’t see the side that Seokmin did, the side that was manipulative, cold, and heartless. For Jeonghan, Joshua was the ideal boyfriend, a charming mystery, someone worthy of adoration. But for Seokmin, he was something else entirely—a twisted reminder of his own self-loathing, a toxic connection he couldn’t escape.

His chest tightened painfully, his mind screaming at him to scroll past it, to look away, but he couldn’t. He clicked on Jeonghan’s profile, each new photo a knife slicing deeper into his heart.

There was Jeonghan and Joshua at a restaurant, sharing drinks and smiling as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Another photo showed them at a festival, Jeonghan laughing with his head thrown back, Joshua’s arm around his waist, holding him close as if he’d never let go. The casual affection, the happiness on their faces—it was everything Seokmin wanted but knew he could never have.

As he kept scrolling, the tears he’d tried so hard to keep at bay finally spilled over, trailing down his cheeks, catching on the two moles that dotted his skin. It was pathetic, he thought, biting his lip to hold back a sob. Pathetic that he still wanted someone who couldn’t even look him in the eye outside of empty, hidden hallways and dimly lighted bedrooms. Pathetic that his heart still yearned for the one person who saw him as nothing more than a game, a body to use and discard as he pleased.

A message notification suddenly appeared at the top of his screen. For a moment, his heart leapt, hoping, foolishly, that it might be Joshua.

But no. It was Seungcheol.

Seungcheol hyung: "Hey, man. You didn’t look too good earlier. Everything alright?"

Seokmin’s thumb hovered over the screen, his mind debating whether to reply. He could lie, tell Seungcheol he was fine, that he just had a headache or was tired. But Seungcheol was observant; he’d see right through any excuse Seokmin gave him.

Instead, he typed a simple reply. "I’m okay. Thanks for checking in."

He set the phone down, running a hand over his face as he took a shaky breath. But his mind wouldn’t stop, and before he knew it, he found himself scrolling again, this time to Joshua’s profile. He knew it was pointless; Joshua’s account was practically barren, devoid of anything personal, like the man himself. Just a few photos—shots of Joshua alone, looking effortlessly handsome, the embodiment of mystery and aloofness that people found so intriguing.