𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 || 𝑺𝑬𝑶𝑲𝑺𝑶𝑶

nine

Joshua could barely recognize himself anymore. A week—seven days without Seokmin. He never thought he’d be affected like this. He’d tried to ignore it, brushed it off as a passing need, but the emptiness gnawed at him relentlessly, burrowing deep beneath the calm exterior he always wore. Now, he found himself standing outside Seokmin’s dorm room, knocking, waiting, pressing his ear to the door in a pathetic attempt to hear anything on the other side. Silence. No answer. No sound of Seokmin’s footsteps shuffling hesitantly toward him.

“Seokmin…?” he muttered under his breath, barely audible, almost as if he were afraid of his own voice. He frowned, jaw clenching as he rapped his knuckles against the door once more, harder this time. Still, nothing.

A bitter laugh escaped him. Ignoring me, huh? His chest tightened with a sensation he didn’t care to examine too closely. No one ignored him, least of all Seokmin—Seokmin, who used to fall apart under the slightest touch, who always looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky, even when Joshua treated him like nothing more than a plaything.

“Fine,” he scoffed, turning sharply on his heel. But his steps slowed as he made his way down the hallway, each step feeling heavier, the realization sinking in that Seokmin’s absence lingered with him like a shadow. His mind reeled with questions he didn’t want to ask out loud, his pulse quickening at the thought of never seeing Seokmin’s face light up in that stupid, naive smile again.

The following days blurred together, each one marked by the same hollow feeling gnawing away at him. Every time he caught even the faintest echo of laughter in the hallways—a laugh that almost, just almost sounded like Seokmin’s—his heart raced with anticipation. He would turn his head, searching, hoping, expecting Seokmin to be there, looking at him with that same vulnerable adoration.

But every time, it wasn’t him.

And now, in the cafeteria, as he sat with his friends, every inch of him was on edge, his ears pricking up at the sound of Seokmin’s name whenever it came up in conversation, as if he could glean some scrap of information, some hint of Seokmin’s whereabouts. He couldn’t bring himself to ask—he couldn’t let anyone see how badly he wanted to know. After all, he was supposed to be with Jeonghan. He was supposed to be above caring for a mere junior, someone who was supposed to be his to use and discard.

“Have you guys seen Seokmin lately?” mingyu mentioned casually, and Joshua’s heart stilled, his fingers instinctively tightening around his glass.

“Yeah, I saw him with Seungcheol yesterday,” soonyoung replied “They were getting coffee alone, just the two of them. It’s like they’re joined at the hip now.”

Joshua forced himself to feign disinterest, quirking a brow as if mildly curious. “Oh, really? Didn’t realize Seokmin was getting so… cozy with Seungcheol,” he muttered, trying to ignore the bitter taste that crept up his throat.

Jeonghan laughed. “Yeah, seems like it. Seungcheol’s got that protective streak, you know? Guess Seokmin’s been leaning on him.”

Joshua forced a laugh, the sound hollow to his own ears. “Protective? Didn’t think Seokmin needed babysitting.”

But even as he spoke, his mind was spinning, a low simmer of resentment bubbling beneath the surface. Seungcheol. Why was Seungcheol, of all people, suddenly stepping in again? He clenched his jaw, the memory of Seokmin’s soft voice whispering those words replaying in his mind, haunting him. I love you.

The words had shattered something in him. He didn’t understand why it had affected him so deeply, why he was so unsettled by the thought of Seokmin saying them to someone else. He’d felt powerful, almost godlike, when Seokmin had looked up at him with that helpless adoration, but now… now, the thought of Seokmin giving that devotion to someone else made his chest twist painfully.