𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 || 𝑺𝑬𝑶𝑲𝑺𝑶𝑶

six

Seokmin sat alone in his room, his hands shaking as he gripped his phone, staring at the blank screen. He knew Joshua wasn’t going to text him, knew he’d only hear from him when Joshua wanted something—something Seokmin had foolishly, willingly given every time.

"Good boy....my seokmin...only mine"

Joshua’s words echoed in his mind, haunting and relentless. Seokmin felt his stomach twist in self-loathing, a wave of nausea washing over him as he remembered how easily he’d melted under those words. No matter how much he hated himself for it, for this weakness that always betrayed him, his heart always whispered, You're his. Only his. And in that moment, he forgot everything—Joshua’s indifference, his coldness, his disregard for anything beyond his own selfish desires.

But Joshua’s voice always came back, coaxing out his surrender. "You'll never look at, laugh with, or even think about anyone else, will you?" Joshua’s voice would drip with possessiveness, fingers tracing Seokmin’s face with a touch that was all wrong, yet it was all Seokmin had.

And he’d always find himself saying it, the words coming out before he could stop them: "Only you, Joshua....only yours" A bitter smile played on his lips, mocking him. Pathetic

But he couldn’t stop. Every time he promised, "I'll never think about anyone else.....I promise"  And as much as he despised himself for it, he wanted to be Joshua’s “good boy." He wanted to be that secret, even if it left him in pieces. The empty shell of himself, the hollow promises, his own broken pride—all of it was for Joshua, for someone who barely looked at him unless it suited him.

Flashback

Seokmin lay sprawled on the bed, his body sore, his mind spinning in the aftermath of it all. He was used to this feeling, the cold emptiness that followed every encounter with Joshua. Usually, Joshua would have already dressed, barely bothering to look back before leaving Seokmin in his raw, exposed state. And tonight felt no different… until Joshua lingered for just a second longer than usual, hesitating. Seokmin watched, disbelieving, as Joshua reached for a nearby tissue, his hand pausing as though he were about to—no, he couldn’t be—clean him?

Joshua’s eyes didn’t meet his, his expression distant, but he seemed almost… considerate, like he was actually thinking about Seokmin for once. Seokmin felt his heart catch, some absurd part of him thinking maybe, just maybe, this was different. That maybe, despite everything, there was something deeper than he’d dared to believe.

And, without fully processing the impulse, the words slipped out, unguarded and raw, soft and barely audible. “I love you.”

Joshua froze. The faint, tender flicker in his eyes evaporated, his expression turning unreadable, almost blank. His hand retracted, and he stood up abruptly, as though Seokmin’s words were something he needed to escape from. The room filled with an oppressive silence, the weight of Seokmin’s confession hanging heavily in the air. Seokmin felt his own heart drop, the sting of his own vulnerability twisting into a sick feeling of shame.

Joshua’s gaze was distant, and his jaw tightened as if he were holding back whatever caustic response lay on the tip of his tongue. Seokmin braced himself, expecting the usual cold dismissal, the cruel words that reminded him exactly where he stood in Joshua’s life—an amusement, a body to fill a void, a secret to keep hidden. But this time, Joshua just reached for his clothes, moving with a quickness that suggested he couldn’t leave fast enough. His face remained expressionless, unreadable, yet there was something flickering in his eyes that Seokmin couldn’t decipher.

Joshua’s voice never came. He didn’t say a word. No snide remarks, no mocking reminders of what Seokmin was to him. He just dressed, his movements tense, as though he were distancing himself from something ugly. And then, without so much as a glance, he walked out, leaving Seokmin alone in that desolate silence, discarded and forgotten as if he were nothing at all.

Seokmin’s chest tightened painfully, shame and regret suffusing his entire body. Why did I say that? Why did I let him know? He buried his face in his hands, his heart aching with the bitter realization of how utterly naive he’d been. How could he have thought, even for a second, that his confession might have mattered? Joshua had made it clear over and over—he wasn’t there for love. He was there to take and to leave.

The silence only made the humiliation sharper, each memory of Joshua’s harsh words resurfacing like knives twisting into old wounds. Seokmin’s own voice echoed in his mind, broken and small, “I love you… I love you…” And now, it just felt like a cruel joke, a reminder of how foolishly he’d let himself hope.

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and as they spilled over, he realized how truly pathetic he felt. He hated himself for it, hated the raw, vulnerable parts of him that Joshua had so effortlessly destroyed. I am a fool, he thought, a fool who loves a man who will never love him back.

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The smut was to remind y'all they are FWB expect they're not even friends..? 0: