Audacious//JJ Maybank (Outerbanks)

Chapter 126

"No, no, no!" I scream, my voice raw and jagged as I hold JJ's limp body in my arms. His blood is everywhere, staining me, staining everything. His skin is cold. His breath shallow, slow. My hands are shaking so badly, I can't tell if the blood on them is mine or his. But I don't care. I just need him to open his eyes, to say something, to tell me it's all just some sick joke.

"JJ," I whisper, my voice breaking as I press my forehead to his, feeling the heat that used to be there slipping away. "Please... please stay with me." My words are a desperate plea, but they're swallowed by the harshness of reality.

His hand moves weakly, and for a moment, I think he's coming back to me. My heart leaps, but it's only for a second. His fingers barely grip mine before his arm falls limp again.

"Hey," he groans, the sound rough and broken. "Jackie..." His eyes flicker open, glazed, unfocused, but I latch onto them, as if holding onto him through them will somehow keep him here with me.

"Hey," he says again, so soft, so weak, but the love in his voice still cuts through me like a knife. "Hey," he repeats, a small smile pulling at the corners of his bloodied lips, like he's trying to comfort me even as he slips away. "It's okay."

"No, no, no!" I cry, shaking him gently, feeling the weight of his body against me, knowing that he's slipping further away with each passing second. "It's not okay. You're gonna be okay, JJ. Please, stay with me." Tears pour down my face, and I beg him, plead with him, my words a frantic, desperate rush. "I can't do this without you. We have so much left. You... you can't leave me. You can't leave Suzie. You can't leave us."

He groans again, struggling to focus, and then—then he says it. The words I never wanted to hear. The words I'll never forget.

"I never told you my wish," he whispers, his voice rasping with pain. My heart cracks in half. "What?" I choke out, my voice strangled by the tears. "JJ... please... don't talk like that. It's not... it's not your time. Please. Tell me when we're home, when we're safe. Tell me when we can be together again. You don't have to go."

His smile flickers, faint, fragile, but it's still there. And it tears me apart to see it. "I already got it," he says, each word a struggle. "You and Suzie." He coughs, blood trickling from his lips, but he's still trying to smile, still trying to give me something. "I already got everything I wanted."

The tears come faster now, and I can barely breathe, my chest tight with grief. "No, no, no!" I cry out, shaking him again. "Please don't say that! Please, JJ. I can't lose you. Not now. Not like this."

"Everything I wanted..." His voice fades, barely audible, but the love in his eyes still shines. "Jackie... I'm happy."

I sob uncontrollably. "Please, please don't leave me." I beg, my words falling apart with each breath I take. "We need you. I need you. Suzie needs you. Don't leave us. Please."

JJ's grip on my hand loosens, his body growing heavier. His breath, labored and slow, fades even further, until it's nothing more than a whisper. His eyes close, and my world begins to shatter.

"I love you, Jackie," he whispers, and it's the last thing he says. The last thing he'll ever say to me. "I love you... so much."

I shake my head, unable to comprehend what's happening. "No, no... no!" I scream, my voice raw with the pain of losing him. "JJ!" I yell, my voice breaking as I clutch him closer, unwilling to let go.

But there's nothing—no movement, no response. Just the quiet of his still body in my arms. I keep calling his name, but the reality of it is too much. He's gone.

"JJ!" I scream, shaking him again. "Please! Please! Wake up!" My body shakes with the force of my sobs. "I can't do this without you. I can't... I can't be the one to tell Suzie. She needs you... we all need you... you're everything to me."

I feel like I'm suffocating. The world feels like it's closing in on me, spinning out of control, but all I can see is JJ—his lifeless body in my arms. His blood on me, on my hands. It's all too much. Too much to bear.

"John B! Pope!" I scream, my voice cracking. "Please... help! Somebody, please..." I don't even know what I'm asking for anymore. I just need him back. I need him to come back to me.

Slowly, I hear footsteps, but they're distant, far away. Everything feels so far away, and yet, I can't tear myself from him. I don't care if the world's burning down around me. All I care about is him.

John B and Pope finally reach me, and I hear John B choke on his own breath. He falls to his knees beside me, looking at JJ with horror. His eyes lock with mine, and for a moment, I see it—the same pain, the same heartbreak in his gaze. We're both losing him.

But it's me holding him, it's me who'll never be the same again. "No... no," John B whispers. "God, no."

I'm screaming again, my heart tearing into pieces. My voice is hoarse, raw, broken. "JJ! Please... please, wake up! We need you. Suzie needs you... please don't leave us like this."

But there's nothing. Nothing but the silence of his absence. The silence that fills every corner of my soul.

And in that silence, I know—he's gone. And I'll never be the same again.

So, I know I said it before, but... fun fact: everyone you know will die. Your father, your mother... the love of your life. It's a hard truth to accept, and yet, I can't stop thinking about it. We all get our time, but how we spend it, how we love, how we live... that's the part that matters, right?

JJ packed it in. Every single bit of it. A whole life in just twenty years. I sometimes think it's unfair—how much he accomplished, how much he gave, in such a short amount of time. Adventure. Romance. The kind of wild, heart-pounding life that most people only dream of. But there were tough things too. Loss, betrayal, pain... and yet, he never stopped. He never gave up on us, on his friends, on the people he loved. He was always there. Always fighting. And sacrifice. Oh God, the sacrifices he made. For the Pogues. For me.

I think about what JJ gave up. He gave up his own happiness, his own safety, just to keep us all safe. He gave up his own future to protect the people he loved, to make sure we could survive, to make sure I could survive. And in a way, that was JJ's love language. Sacrifice, loyalty, courage. It was how he showed us that we mattered to him.

And friendship. JJ's loyalty to my brother was beyond anything I've ever seen. He was always there for John B, even when it hurt him, even when it wasn't easy. He held us all together—through thick and thin. He was the glue. When everything was falling apart, when it seemed like the world was against us, JJ was always there, keeping us grounded, keeping us together, making us believe that we could make it through.

He was my brother's best friend. He was my best friend. And, eventually... he was so much more.

JJ was the best thing that ever happened to me. He gave me love, something I didn't know I needed until he showed me how to embrace it. He gave me a family of my own—Suzie, our daughter... this life we were building. He blessed me with a future that I never thought I would have. He gave me everything I never knew I wanted and so much more.

Now, he's gone. And all that's left is this ache in my chest, this emptiness that no one could ever fill. But I know—I know deep in my soul—that JJ lived more in his twenty years than most people do in a lifetime. And maybe that's what matters. Maybe it's not about how much time we have, but how we fill it, who we love, and what we leave behind.

And JJ? He left behind everything. He left us with memories. With love. With a piece of himself that will never die, no matter how much time passes.

I'll never forget him. I'll never stop loving him. Because he was everything to me. And he always will be.

To be continued...