Audacious//JJ Maybank (Outerbanks)

Chapter 127

The desert heat bears down on me, unbearable, suffocating, as we lay JJ to rest. The world around us keeps spinning—unaffected, indifferent—while my world has come to a standstill. I can't breathe. I can't think. All I can feel is the heavy weight of my loss pressing on my chest, threatening to crush me. And I can barely hold myself together.

Rafe, of all people, digs the grave. The sound of the shovel hitting the earth echoes, but it doesn't reach me. It doesn't make sense. He should be here with us. He should be beside me. Laughing, holding our baby, kissing me like he always did. Instead, all I feel is the emptiness that's been left behind. A hole so vast, so deep, it swallows everything.

We lower him into the grave. I don't know how much time passes. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. I don't care. I'm numb to everything except the raw ache in my chest. And the weight of the reality that my biggest fear is now my truth—JJ is gone. And I have to bury him. I have to let go.

The sand falls. The sound is all I hear as it piles over his body. It's like every grain is a memory of what we won't have. The future we won't get to share. The life I thought we were going to build. The dreams that'll never come true.

And then the tears come. They tear through me, unstoppable, breaking me apart. I fall to my knees, and everything crumbles inside me. I can't breathe, can't think, can't hold it together. I just scream.

"JJ," I sob, the sound of his name breaking in my throat. "No... no, no, no..."

I feel my brother beside me, his arms around me, pulling me close, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. My heart is shattered beyond repair. And all I can do is hold onto the pieces that are slipping through my fingers.

I don't even know how long I stay there, crumpled on the ground, my body wracked with sobs. But I can't move. I can't leave him. I can't let go of the memory of him, of everything he was to me, to Suzie, to all of us.

Eventually, I clutch the ring in my hand—the one JJ gave me, the one he slipped on my finger when he asked me to be his forever. It feels like a cruel joke now, like a lifetime of promises that will never come true. He won't be there when Suzie needs him next. He won't be there for our second child.

The baby. He never even knew I was pregnant again. And now our child will never know their father.

My mind spirals. I can't make sense of any of it. JJ was there when Suzie was born. He was the one who held her when she took her first breath. He was the one who promised me that we'd have a family, that we'd grow old together, that we'd be there for each other forever. He was supposed to be there for this baby, too. He was supposed to watch them grow. Teach them to be brave, to love with their whole heart, to chase adventure like he always did.

But now he's gone. And this baby will never know their father. They won't feel the warmth of his hands, the strength of his love. They won't have him. And neither will I.

The tears blur my vision as I clutch the ring tighter, as if holding onto it can bring him back. It can't. It never will. But I can't stop. I can't let go of what we had.

"JJ... I... I can't do this without you," I whisper, my voice cracking, the words laced with pain. "You were supposed to be here. You were supposed to see our family grow. I can't raise our kids alone. I can't do this. You... you were everything to me."

But he's not here. He never will be again.

I hear my brother, my friends, but their voices are distant. I can't focus on anything but the grief consuming me, the overwhelming emptiness of a future without him.

As the sun begins to set, the wind picks up, carrying the weight of my sorrow. I feel the loss of JJ in every part of me, from the depth of my soul to the baby growing inside me that he will never know. It hurts more than I ever thought was possible. And I know, in that moment, that I will carry this pain for the rest of my life.