diary of a teenage girl

Chapter 6: Carpool friends (James' pov)

I drive slowly, a million thoughts running through my brain. I check my mirror once more, to see Iris laying her head on the window, sleeping while sitting up. Tia continues to trace the seams of my car, her eyes droopy. I catch myself staring at Iris and quickly redirect my eyes onto the road. As I pull into the parking lot, Tia jolts awake, and despite her technically being awake she might as well have been asleep. I open the door and step out quietly, careful to not wake up Iris.
"We'll have to wake her up," Tia whispers. "Or I could carry her in," she rethinks. I doubt her, but let her try anyway. She first shimmy's Iris's keys out of her coat pocket, and then puts her arm under her knee and back. As Tia's probably 5'2 body tries to pick up Iris's presumably 5'8-ish self, she flexes her arm to barely move Iris. "Yep, well I guess it's your turn." She whispers to me. "We should probably wake her up," I say, trying to redirect her. "No, she should get to sleep. You're big, you can do it. If you can't I won't tell anyone" she winks.
Defeated, I put my hands on her legs and neck, careful to not touch her anywhere that would be awkward, and lift her. She's heavy but nothing that I couldn't handle. Plus, I couldn't let Tia be right. Iris's long wavy, out-of-control hair drapes gently, and her puffer coat makes a lot of noise. I panic, hoping that the sound doesn't wake her up. Looking at her, I sort of wish that it does wake her up, missing her green eyes.
I walk swiftly to the door, terrified of waking her, Tia inserts the keys quickly and opens the door. We ride the elevator up, and my mind starts to worry that I shouldn't have agreed to this. I try to push the thoughts out of my mind since the damage is already done. I set her down gently in her room, and despite trying very hard to resist, I looked around her room, looking at all her posters and looking at the mess. It takes everything inside me to not clean up the piles of clothes and her unorganized vanity full of makeup. As soon as I see her diary on her desk and get the urge to look in it I walk out of there as fast as possible.
But just as I'm about to walk out, I see dishes in the sink and can't help myself. After I finish I realize that I still have to drive Tia home and look for her only to spot her asleep on Iris's couch. And I was not about to carry another girl to or from my car, so I debated waking her up or leaving her here. I decided to leave her here, and I'll just call her early tomorrow to let her know. As I'm driving back I get a call from Hikaru.
"I have a crush, James," he says immediately. "No hello, no how are you?" I say to him, already knowing this information. "I'm serious, and I need your help because I don't know what to do with it!" He exclaims at me. "What do you mean, what to do with it? It's not an ingredient for cake or something, you just live with it or make a move." I advise him, wishing I could take my advice. "Um, no. There is no making a move. I just met her, but also I can't live with myself after only just meeting her, and that's why I called you, you idiot." I roll my eyes at his drama but try to give him advice still. "Okay, tell me why you can't just ask Tia out or something." I push.
"How did you know I was talking about Tia?" He asks. "It's super obvious, Karu." "Who's Karu?" Some other soft, feminine voice asks. "It's my nickname, Sakura." I hear Hikaru say. "That's a stupid name." The voice says. "Shut up, your nickname is Saki, and besides, I'm on the phone with a friend and another thing, could you hear our conversation this whole time?" Hikaru asks, and by now I'm certain that he's talking to his sister by the obvious bickering. I hear a muffled yes before Hikaru closes the door and by the sound of it, lays on his bed.
"She told me I should go by Tanjiro, she is kind of obsessed with a certain show," Hikaru tells me. "Isn't that an anime or something? Anyway, it's beside the point. Now tell me why you can't ask Tia out for coffee or something?" "Because I can barely get out of normal conversations, let alone a coffee date." He says exasperated. "Use Iris's contact from our study group group chat, and ask her. You called me using it so how about you muster up the courage right now, ask Iris, and call Tia up once this call ends, deal?"
I can hear him let out a breath. "Fine." But unexpectedly, he hangs up that second, and I'm left with only the background noises of cars in the distance. I look at my screen, only for it to read 10:00 pm. Crap. I'm not allowed in after 9:00 pm, and I don't have the main key. So I called the only other person available. "Hey, Aspen, I kind of need something from you."
10 minutes later, I pulled up in my car at Aspen's house. Not as fancy as mine or as big as Hikaru's or karu if you will, but it was far from simple. There were 3 stories, a fountain in the front, which seems to be extremely necessary in the rich people handbook, and it was covered in greenery. It was still quite large although it had a remote-like feel to it, with large windows and ponds and warm lighting. Sam opens the door but before he can greet me his mom calls for him. When I step inside I smell delicious home-cooked food, and there are two walls dedicated to trophies.
Academics, hockey, basketball, soccer, you name it and there was an award for it on those walls. I knew Aspen did sports and was good at it since he was very clearly muscular and tall, but I didn't expect him to have more awards than the Guinness World Record books do. "Hey, Mom I'm having a friend stay over tonight, he's locked out," Aspen says while walking into the kitchen, leaving me to gape at his trophies. I eventually walk into Aspen's welcoming kitchen, to find a sweet-looking older woman cooking casserole. She's wearing an apron with some sort of frilly details, and she has smile lines and crow's feet, which would make sense because she wore a wide soft smile while going about dinner.
"Ronnie, let me get that for you, you go sit down. you've done most of the cooking and we agreed that it would be 50/50," a man says from another room, his voice getting closer as he swiftly takes off her apron and nudges her onto the sofa, putting on her apron to continue cooking where his wife left off. "Oh, look, you've already finished cooking and all there's left to do is serve. You better let me do the dishes, Veronica." I assumed that was Aspen's dad and she was his mom.  I sat down to eat at their warmly lit dinner table, with dated decorations that although you wouldn't find in a magazine were very comforting. "Could I help either of you? I have to thank you for letting me stay here tonight." I offer them.
"Oh, no sweetheart, you go sit down with Aspen and we'll bring you your food since you're our special guest," Ronnie tells me. I eat dinner with them, easing slowly as I talk to these strangers I've only just met. It could've been their friendly demeanor or the warm food, but something about being here makes me at ease. Much like the way I feel when I'm with Iris. I'm a bit startled by this sudden thought, and realize it's not the same way I feel when I'm with her. Unlike I feel now, it's a different feeling than when I'm with her.
I don't get butterflies In my stomach, or get nervous to the point where I can't think straight. It feels stupid to tell myself I have a crush. I know I'm being irrational, and I'm probably just shy because I'm a shy person. Besides, if I did, I would know, right? But before I can think about it more, everyone at the table is gone or getting up, and I suppose I was sitting there thinking about it for a while. Aspen grabs my dish and walks off. "Thank you, it's very nice of you to let me eat dinner with you, and stay the night here," I say once more. Aspen's mom gives me a warm smile and continues to do the dishes.
Aspen puts his hand on my back to guide me up the stairs and to his room. Before I notice anything else, I see his phone light up with a call from Hikaru. He lets out an "oh" and rushes over to it. He pats me on the back, nods to his room, and then goes out into the hall. I drop my bag on the floor and bring my night supplies into his bathroom. As I'm brushing my teeth, my phone lights up with a text from Iris. Suddenly, toothpaste is dripping out of my mouth and I look into the mirror to see flushed teeth and a stupid smile. I am so done with myself. Cleaning myself up, despite her not even being able to see me, I glance at her text. "Hey :)" 4 minutes ago, it read. Is 4 minutes too long to make her wait? Before I let myself take another 4 minutes, I respond with "Hey Iris, what are you up to?"
I don't know if I should be embarrassed of myself. I start to wash my face and put on moisturizer before I check my phone again. Read. Maybe she fell asleep. At 10:30 pm? I stop myself from reading into it too hard and start to change. I put my hand on my chest, feeling the hard pounding against my hand. It must be from the hearty meal, I tell myself. I fall into Aspen's bed, and stare at his room, littered with scrunched-up papers, notepads, pencils, and calculators, and I look at the wall to see a math trophy. I let out a sigh.
I go to a top-tier high school, with geniuses in every square inch. I get A's but mostly C's these days. My dad has me studying law every day, and I have to admit that I hate it. I hate everything about it, and most of all, I hate that I hate it. I wish I wouldn't make it difficult for myself, that I would just want the same career that my dad wants for me.
But I don't want to study law. I want to be a neurosurgeon. I know that a neurosurgeon doesn't sound much better than a lawyer, but the problem is not that it's difficult. I am smart, I work hard, I listen, and raise my hand in class often. I want to be a neurosurgeon to help people. I want to be a neurosurgeon because it interests me, and the law has never interested me. I tried, and still am trying, but no matter what I do I still hate it.
I suddenly break out of this thought, remembering Iris. I check my phone to see 2 new messages. "I'm talking to you, of course. But I'm also reading a book," What are you doing?" At this moment I wish I was doing something more interesting. But still, I respond truthfully. "Laying in bed, what book are you reading?" I ask, redirecting the conversation to her again.
"Maze runner," she tells me. "What's that about?" I joke. "A bunch of cute guys in a maze, naturally." I feel my face get hot. Why? Why is it that everyone about her makes my throat close up? "They remind me of you guys." She adds. "Oh? And how is that?" I inquire. "Well, Thomas is like you, in a way. And Newt is like Hikaru. he's British too. And Minho is like Aspen, athletic, and brooding." She jokes. "Huh, it's almost like I've read it before. Although I bet I'll pale in comparison to this Thomas guy, he seems like my better half" I tease.
"No, I've seen the movie and I'd argue that you're cuter than him." Now this makes me queasy. My body feels like it's falling, and I feel light-headed. Maybe I'm sick. I hear voices from outside the hall and walk out to see Aspen still talking to Hikaru. I take a second to look like I don't feel like I'm going to collapse, and walk out casually, hopefully selling the act. Mission failure. "Did you just get hit by a bus or something? Or did you just get off the phone with Iris?" I hear Hikaru snort over the phone. How did he guess? "I was texting her, but what does that have to do with anything?"
"Oh, Jamie," Aspen says, while Hikaru tsk's through the phone. "What?? I don't know what you guys are going on about, but I want you to tell me," I demand. "James, do you not know?" I stand there, thinking about what it could have to do with Iris. Because, they couldn't have known my exact thought process, right? "It's because you have a massive crush on her, and everyone and their mother can see it," Hikaru says over the phone. I'm shocked, because yes, yes they do know me better than I know myself. "No, I would know, right?" I persist.
Aspen just gives me a look that tells me he's right. "Man. I do like her, don't I?" saying it out loud makes my palms sweaty and my throat tight. He gives me a soft nod, his soft dark curls falling over his eyebrows. He looks at his phone, and then says into it, "Hey, it's late Hikaru. I'll call you tomorrow." I look at his phone, at midnight. My heart sinks knowing I've not answered Iris's text. Darn it, I just can't get her out of my head. I lay in bed, breathing in the smell of Aspen's clean wet hair, and slowly dozing off into a deep sleep.
"Iris? Hello? Aspen, Hikaru, Tia? Anyone? Where are you guys?" I look around in the pitch-black, searching for them. Then, a dim spotlight turns on, and Aspen and Iris are there. I call them, but they can't hear me. I walk closer, but then when I get close, an invisible wall blocks me from them. I keep calling for them, but it's like I'm not even here. Then, as if I'm watching a movie, they embrace and start kissing. I'm not sure if I should scream, look away, or cry, but all I know is that my heart is racing and my muscles are tight.
I drop my head in my hands, and crumble to the floor.
September 31st, Friday