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Fears In The Mirror

As Owen guided Cedar back into their warm home it was rather obvious that the younger man was totally exhausted from everything that had happened over the last four days.

"C'mon, I'll run you a bath". Owen suggested as he carefully removed Cedar's heavy winter jacket and hung it up to dry out.

Too tired to even verbally respond, Cedar just nodded and allowed his boyfriend to guide him into the spacious en suite bathroom, Idly stroking Alice's fur as he watched Owen draw the bath.

Once the tub was filled up to a reasonable amount Owen knelt next to Cedar and gently pulled his shirt up over his head.

"Did Junior give you any problems the last few days?". Owen asked as his palm came to rest over Cedar's slowly growing bump.

"Nope, they've been behaving perfectly". Cedar replied with a small laugh, his smile slowly morphing into a frown as Owen helped him into the tub.

"What's wrong?". Owen asked, immediately taking notice of his partner's sudden silence.

"Nothing, It's just - you saying junior reminds of something Mel said to me last year after you had stepped out of the room". Cedar replied, his cheeks going red from embarrassment.

"What'd she say?". Owen asked as he squeezed a generous glob of body wash on a rag and set about carefully washing Cedar's belly.

"She told me about the son you two had, Owen Jr.". Cedar replied quietly.

"Did she seriously tell you that that's what his name was?". Owen asked in obvious disbelief/disgust.

"Yeah she did". Cedar replied. "I'm assuming she was lying then?".

"His real name is Conner Riley, which I picked out myself by the way". Owen revealed. "What else did she say about him?".

"That he was living with her cousin at a Firefly base out in Mexico City". Cedar replied.

"It's just a run of the mill horse ranch". Owen explained. "It was my idea to send Conner out there".

"To get him away from Mel?". Cedar guessed.

"Yep, thankfully her cousin is the total opposite of her". Owen explained. "So she agreed to take Conner right away".

"Do you miss him?". Cedar hesitantly asked.

"Every day". Owen admitted. "Maybe we can go out there and visit him someday, he'd like you".

"Why the hell would Mel bother with lying about him?". Cedar wondered with a frown.

"To piss you off since she could tell we were developing feelings for each other". Owen replied as he got to work on washing Cedar's hair.

"Well it certainly worked". Cedar replied as he looked down at his missing right index finger.

Owen frowned and placed the cup he'd been using to rinse Cedar's hair off to the side as he carefully brought Cedar's right hand up and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

"Tell you what, since Tommy's giving me tonight and tomorrow off with patrols, how about we spend the whole day doing whatever you wanna do?". Owen suggested.

"Anything?". Cedar asked with a sly smirk.

"Well, anything within reason so baby Baker doesn't get hurt". Owen giggled as he placed his hand back over Cedar's bump, abruptly pulling it back when he felt small flutters against his palm. "What was that?".

"They're kicking, that's all". Cedar replied as he took Owen's hand and placed it back over the spot it had previously been resting on.

"Isn't it a bit too early for that?". Owen questioned, his brow furrowed in concern.

"Doctor Morino said that since I'm on the skinnier side, the kicks can be felt a lot sooner". Cedar replied calmly. "Have we thought of names yet?".

"Sweetheart, we said we don't want to know the baby's gender until after they're born". Owen replied with a small laugh. "How could we possibly pick out names yet?".

"About the gender thing, I have some thoughts about that if you'd like to hear them". Cedar said somewhat hesitantly.

"Let's hear them then". Owen replied as he helped Cedar get out of the tub and wrap up in a towel.

"What if we raised this baby gender neutrally?". Cedar suggested. "Obviously we'd make them aware of their birth gender but what if we used gender neutral pronouns and stuff until they're old enough to decide how they want to identify?".

"I think that's a fantastic idea". Owen said as he helped Cedar into one of his old T - Shirts that could easily double as a nightgown and guided him into the bedroom.

"Are you sure you're alright with it?". Cedar asked nervously.

"I am". Owen replied as he settled himself against the headboard and gestured for Cedar to sit in between his legs.

"What are you doing?". Cedar asked even as he did as told, settling himself so that his back was pressed against Owen's chest.

"Getting you relaxed, I can feel how tense you are". Owen replied, pressing a kiss against the side of his boyfriend's head as he gently kneaded his shoulders.

"You have no idea how good that feels". Cedar whispered, feeling himself getting sleepy from the gentle massage.

"See, I'm good for something ain't I?". Owen teased as he ran his calloused hands down Cedar's belly before trailing them along his thighs and all the way down to his aching feet.

"What if I'm not cut out for this whole parenting thing? I don't know the first thing about raising a baby". Cedar brought up as Owen gently rested his chin on his right shoulder whilst continuing the massage.

"Have I told you how handsome you are?". Owen asked as his hands trailed back up Cedar's thighs and gently cupped his swollen stomach.

"A few times I think". Cedar teased, watching as Owen reached over the right side of the bed and grabbed the spare guitar Joel had gifted him on his thirtieth birthday. "I'm serious though, what If I can't be a good dad?".

"I know your scared sweetheart, Hell, I'm scared too.". Owen admitted as he placed the guitar off to the side and rubbed gentle circles over Cedar's belly. "But it's team you and me, remember?".

Cedar wiped the tears from his eyes as he nodded and gestured towards the guitar. "Since when do you know how to play guitar?".

"Go to sleep". Owen simply instructed with a smile, reaching down to press a kiss against Cedar's lips and his swollen belly as he gently maneuvered him onto his side of the bed.

"Alright, keep your secrets then". Cedar teased, burrowing into the thick blankets as the gentle strumming of Owen's guitar and the softly spoken lyrics lulled him into a peaceful sleep.

Author Note: The Song That Owen Plays On His Guitar Is "Leave the Night On" By Sam Hunt.