Depressed as Fuck [Completed]

Chapter 13

I wasn't sure what had changed.

Maybe it was the message. Maybe it was the way the words on the screen seemed to echo in my mind long after I'd put my phone down. Or maybe it was just the fact that, for once, I let myself think that someone cared.

That someone could see through the walls I had built, even though I had tried so hard to keep them up.

For the first time in so long, the thought of reaching out didn't feel impossible.

It felt... possible.

And that scared me more than anything else.

I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, the soft hum of the fan in the background, trying to collect my thoughts.

My hands were cold, trembling slightly and I was aware of the familiar tightness in my chest.

The fear.

The fear of being seen.

The fear of being vulnerable.

I'd been avoiding this for so long---asking for help. Letting someone else in, letting them know how much I was hurting, how much I couldn't handle on my own.

But now, that fear was starting to feel different.

I wasn't just afraid of what might happen if I reached out. I was more afraid of what would happen if I didn't.

I sat up slowly, glancing over at my phone on the nightstand. The message from ShadowViper was still there, waiting for me to respond.

My finger hovered over the screen, hesitating for a second before I typed:

"I'm not okay."

It wasn't much. Just those three words. But for me, it felt like a huge leap.

The phone buzzed almost immediately.

"I know you're not, Luna. But you're not alone. You don't have to face this by yourself."

I closed my eyes, letting out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. There was no judgment. No pressure. Just... understanding. I could almost feel the warmth of it through the screen.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" ShadowViper asked. Those words were simple but the gentleness in them made my throat tighten.

I paused again, unsure of where to begin. There was so much to say, so much I didn't know how to explain. But the words started to come anyway. Hesitant, but real.

"I don't know. It's just... everything feels so heavy. And no matter what I do, it doesn't go away. It feels like I'm drowning, but no one sees it."

I hit send before I could second-guess myself.

The moment the words left me, I felt a strange mix of relief and terror. Relieved to have spoken the truth. Terrified to have exposed myself, even in the smallest way. The phone buzzed again.

"That sounds exhausting, Luna. I'm really sorry you're going through this. But I'm here. You don't have to do it alone."

I let out a shaky breath. My chest still felt tight, but it was different now. A little less suffocating, as though I had taken the first breath after holding it in for too long.

The silence in my room didn't feel so oppressive anymore. It was still there, but it wasn't as loud. I wasn't fighting it by myself anymore.

I sat back against my pillows, feeling the weight in my chest still lingering, but with a strange, tentative sense of hope creeping in.

I wasn't fixed, and I knew one conversation wasn't going to make everything better. But somehow, for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel like I was fighting this battle alone.

"Thank you." I typed, the words flowing easier than I expected.

"I didn't think anyone would care. I didn't think anyone would listen."

It took a few moments for ShadowViper to respond, but when the replied popped up, it was like the weight in my chest lightened just a little more.

"I care, Luna. And I'll listen whenever you need to talk. You don't have to go through this alone."

I felt my eyes well up, but I didn't want to cry. Not now. Not when I was starting to feel like maybe, just maybe, there was a way out of this.
A way to not be alone in my pain.

I wiped my eyes quickly, trying to force a smile that didn't quite reach my face. But it was something. A small, fragile thing, but something.

I had taken the first step. I had reached out, even though it terrified me. And that was more than I had done in a long time.

The next step, whatever it was, would come when it was ready. But for now, I let myself breathe. Let myself sit with the fact that I wasn't carrying everything alone anymore.

And maybe, just maybe, that was enough for today.

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lironove