Depressed as Fuck [Completed]

Chapter 3

Haven't left my room much anymore. It was the only place that felt like mine.

The rest of the house was just a blur of voices, expectations, and people who were only half-present. My foster mom buried in her phone, my foster dad constantly out, my non-biological-younger-sister, Ella, running around without ever understanding why I was the way I was.

But in here, in my bedroom, it was quiet. No one could tell me what to do or ask too much of me. I was alone, and I could finally breathe. Even if it was just for a while.

My door was always closed, and I kept the blinds half-drawn so the light wasn't too harsh. The room was dim, the kind of dim that made everything feel like it was at a distance, like nothing could touch me.

It was perfect.

I sat on my bed, phone in hand, scrolling through Genshin Impact. Co-op mode. The usual. I didn't even bother checking my notifications for other apps. They were all just distractions, things I didn't need.

The game, however, was simple. I didn't have to think about anything except missions and rewards.

I tapped through a few menus before selecting a new domain to explore. A moment later, a message popped up from a random player.

"Hey, you there?"

It was like clockwork. Every time I opened the co-op menu, someone was there waiting.

They were always friendly, always polite, but they never stayed long. I didn't mind.

I responded with the same automatic message: "Yeah, I'm here. Let's go."

The loading screen blinked, and before I knew it, I was in the game again. My character sprinted across the lush green fields of Mondstadt, dodging monsters, collecting items, and doing everything I was supposed to do.

I didn't really care about the missions, though. I just needed to pass the time. It wasn't that I hated my family, but sometimes it felt like they didn't even see me. They only noticed when they needed something.

When the bathroom was occupied for too long, or when my foster mom needed help with some random chore or wanna put his anger to me. And even then, it was like I was the last person they would ask.

Mara, my non-biological-elder-sister, hadn't spoken to me in days unless it was to ask for money I don't have.

The last time we actually had a conversation that felt real, that wasn't about things we had to do or argue over, was months ago.

Now it was just awkward silence whenever she was around. Sometimes I wondered what she saw when she looked at me.

Was I just a burden?

A shadow of the person I used to be?

I didn't know anymore. Ella was the only one who still tried. She'd knock on my door occasionally, asking me to come outside or play, but I always made up excuses.

I didn't have the energy to be that sister anymore. I couldn't even be the daughter they wanted me to be.

I shoved the thought aside as another mission started. I clicked through the options without thinking, following the other player's instructions.

They were still typing away in the chat, but I barely paid attention. The world inside the game was better than the one outside.

My phone buzzed with a new message, but it wasn't from my co-op partner. It was from Mara, "Luna can you give me some money if you have some."

I stared at the message, my thumb hovering over the keyboard. It wasn't that I wanted to ignore her, but there was nothing I could say.

The request felt like a demand, like she was always waiting for me to mess up, always counting on me to disappoint her.

I let the message sit there, unanswered.

Instead, I clicked back to my game, drowning out the quiet hum of the house with the constant rhythm of battle. I didn't need to respond. I didn't need to be part of their world.

The mission ended. The rewards popped up, but it didn't feel like a victory. I put my phone down and glanced around the room, letting out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

My gaze wandered to the window. The light outside was dim, the sky a cold shade of gray. This was my life now. And it was safer this way.

The world beyond these walls was too loud, too full of expectations. No one cared to listen to me, and I didn't know how to tell them what was going on inside my head.

How could I explain this feeling to anyone? How could I explain that I just didn't care at all anymore?

A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. I didn't need to look up to know who it was. Ella. "Luna, please... just come outside with me," she said, her voice small through the door.

She always asked so gently, like she was afraid of bothering me.

I clenched my fists in my lap. I could feel the old familiar pang of guilt rise up inside me. "I'll come later, Ella," I said, but even I knew it was a lie.

I wasn't going to go outside. Not today. Not tomorrow.

I heard her feet shuffle away, the soft patter of her footsteps fading down. As I closed my eyes, I took a deep breath, pulling the blanket tighter around me.

It was easier this way. Not having to face anyone, not having to pretend I was okay.

The knock on my door was just the sound of the world reminding me I was still here. But I didn't want to be here.

I didn't want to be anywhere.

But I stayed, because I didn't know where else to go.

So, I picked up my phone again. Another message from my co-op partner.

"Ready for the next round?"

I typed back quickly, not thinking. "Yeah. Let's go."

And just like that, I was back in the game. Fighting enemies, collecting rewards. The screen glowed, and for a little while, it was enough to forget.

In here, in this little corner of my room, I didn't have to exist.

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lironove