Incorrect Quotes

Phantasmal Friends

I wanted to mess with funny ghost AU. Enjoy.

———

(That moment when the Orange Village is being attacked by Darkness. Sabre walks up, snaps his fingers, and the Sky People show up.)

Sabre: (pointing at the Darkness) Fetch me their souls.

Sky People: (start making mad dashes over to the attacking Darkness, much to its terror)

(The Orange Steves are watching in the background, horrified at the Sky People's murder efficiency.

—

Rando: Why can't the Darkness infect you?

Sabre: (deadpan) Because I'm dead inside.

—

(Rainbow getting on Sabre's case about giving himself a break)

Rainbow: I mean, come on dude! You keep burning yourself out just trying to keep all of your ghosts in check, you need to rest once in a while-

Sabre: (visibly sleep deprived) I was supposed to rest a long time ago, Rainbow.

Rainbow: Sabre, this isn't the time for your dark humor.

Sabre: Kinda wishing I stayed dead.

Rainbow: Sabre.

—

(Rainbow Kingdom, Sabre's talking to some Sky People. Since they have nothing better to do, they tend to hang around many areas of the Kingdom and listen in on the drama, bringing the gossip to Sabre.)

Sabre: (talking to them) No, he didn't.

Sky Person: Did. And had the audacity to act surprised by the consequences.

Sabre: What an idiot-

Green: (walking up) Hey, what are you guys talking about?

Sabre: Oh, they're just telling me about some updates to the coffee shop drama.

Green: (sitting down next to Sabre) Ooh, really? What'd I miss? Did he-

Sky Person: He did.

Green: No.

Sky Person: Yeah!

—

(Blue Leader is in his office.)

Sabre: (opening the door) Hey-

Blue Leader: Sabre, I appreciate your company, but I'm very stressed at the moment and sensing your clustermess of a soul will not help.

Sabre: Fair enough, see you later.

—

Sabre: So, what's your excuse for insanity? Mine's my soul being ripped into pieces and inhabited by ghosts of my former neighbors.

Prof. Red: Divine madness!

Sabre: Epic.

—

Rainbow Red: GET YOUR FREAKIN GHOSTS, BINCH-

Sabre: (nonchalant) They don't bite.

Rainbow Red: YES THEY DO-

—

(The Sky People ghosts can fight the Demon Steves, and it has the bonus effect of making them visible to everyone while they do.)

Sabre: (minding his business, enjoying a quiet day outside)

Colorless Guard: Uh, Sabre? Your ghosts are getting into a brawl with some demons again. They're making a mess of the kingdom square.

Sabre: (sighs) I leave them alone for five minutes...

—

Sabre: (trying to sleep, wondering why they can't just take it downstairs)

Sky People: (playing some kind of board game in the same room, because they are literally unable to sleep)

—

Sol: Maybe I can make Sabre leave the kingdom.

(Insert angry ghosts giving him death glares as soon as he's within their sight)

Sol: Or maybe not-

—

:b