𝐏𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐈𝐈 | Review Shop II

Forgotten [Iris]

Book: Forgotten
Author: AnisNahoui
Reviewer: Iamjustasapien
Chapters read: 5

***

Cover:
If I am being honest, the cover is really not that impressive. The reason? Well, it is really way too simple and does not stand out. The cover could use more work. I do have quite a few suggestions. Firstly, try making the title stand out, not blend in with the background colour. Then try adding some elements related to the storyline on the cover.

Moving on, once I saw the tags, I was puzzled. Since, the tags and the cover don't match. Angles, demons, gore, serpents and many more are seen in the tags. But I could not see them in the cover. To be blunt, the cover does not match with the storyline. Try adding drops of blood, angle's holo, a serpent's eye or something of this sort to the cover. The cover gives out the vibe of a murder mystery book, rather than a fantasy book. So, please do work on that.

Secondly, I do recommend to remove the background picture. The reason? Again, this gives of a murder mystery book vibe. I am no expert, but I please do make the suggestions I have mentioned above. I am not discouraging just merely (strongly) suggesting. Since, your story has a great potential to grow, but due to having a cover, which lacks substance, it is being held down. Wattpad has many cover shops and graphic designers to help you out as well.

Title:
"Forgotten" is a simple yet intriguing title choice. I have no complaints against it, good job!

Blurb:
Well, to begin with the blurb has quite a few errors:

"A story revolving around the great country of demontagnac , a land cursed by it's own protector , and in the current times , it is in grave danger , the only hope it has left is for the newly formed association named " the guardians " to solve the mystery surrounding , will they be able to do that? HOW would they ? ."

Let us see the corrections:
"A story revolving around the great country of Demontagnac, a land cursed by its own protector. And currently, it is in grave danger. The only hope it has left is for the newly formed association named "the guardians" to solve the mystery surrounding it. Will they be able to do that? How would they? "

Well, again, if I am being honest, the blurb could use more work. It does give the reader an vague idea of the story but not enough to make a reader to explore your book futher. I recommend you to extend the blurb by adding more sentences.

Once I read the blurb, I do have a few questions left unanswered. What is the grave danger? And who is this "protector' mentioned here? What is the curse? What is the mystery surrounding? And many more. So, please do give insight on these. The blurb is a small insight to your book, which determines if a reader is going to read your book futher. So, please work on that.

I can see a great story in the author's mind but a problem in proper execution. I recommend you to proof-read your work a couple of times before publishing it. Or use the materials available on wattpad to guide you. Practice makes one perfect.

Plot:
Well, I have to admit the plot line is really interesting and hooks the reader. As a reader, I was really impressed by the story and instantly got hooked. I personally loved how every chapter ends on a mysterious cliffhanger. Not to mention, the plot is not too fast not too slow. Although, the transitions of one scene to another needs work, I loved the originality of your work. It does stand out, but due to few chapters, one cannot make out the plot line clearly just yet. Your story has a lot of potential to shine but many mistakes scattered along the chapters are holding you down. Let me list a couple:
1) "He decided to get your newly-brought PC out of the large bag containing the box it was in, it didn't matter..."

2) "" Why thank you , but anyway , how have you been ? It's been almost 2 years ! ""

3) "...at this point , I don't even need the authority to force me to quarenteen , the fog does the job ! but anyway , this is all I can tell you now , sorry I had to contact you this way , right now neither my PC nore my phone are working , I REALLY need you and Mei to come , and quickly ."

As you can see, the capitalization of letters, spacing of words after and before commas and a few misspellings are made. There are many such mistakes made across all the chapters, I highly recommend you to correct them. Now, I as a reader, would instantly click off if I spot such errors, therefore, I highly suggest you to proof-read your work before publishing it.

Then, I do have a suggestion about describing a room or any other furniture through words. Let's look at one of the confusing paragraphs I found:

"He got back to his apartment, situated in the north block of the city in " Michelle Rose "street. The apartment was well arranged, consisting of only two rooms, one bedroom with a balcony and an average sized bed, and a desk with a fairly old computer, a photo of him , a young women and a man his age smiling."

Or even this para:
" As for the west side, a big tv in front of a big couch with some throw pillows at the side and a small rectangular table between them, a fridge in the top right and a microwave put on a book shelf with just one book."

Now, I as a reader, could not understand the placing of items or furniture nor could I visualize properly. I recommend you to let the characters explore the room little by little instead of giving out the placing of things at a stretch. For instance:
" He entered his bedroom, waltzing in he sat on the bed. The pillows gave a little jump as his gaze landed on his fairly old computer, attached to it was a picture, capturing people he cherished, always did, a young women and a man of his age smiling. The room had a balcony attached to it, although, he was not that fond of it, the fair share of moonlight gleaming in reassured him at the night. This apartment was his home for the last ten years, it did have another room but that was never used."

This is just an example on how to enhance your writing style. Your not obligated to write like this, this is just a suggestion. Or you could maybe just attach a picture for better visual understanding.

Lastly, please do add trigger warnings. Although, gore is mentioned in the tags, I highly recommend you to add the trigger warnings at the start of a chapter. Since, some might get triggered.

To conclude, your writing style is simple yet really enjoyable. Your book has great potential, never stop writing!

Character development:
I can't say much about the character developmet, since, they story has not progressed much. I do love the realistic interactions of the characters and their different personalities. However, I do have a suggestion. You could maybe add character aesthetics for readers to visualise properly.

Grammer and Vocabulary:
Well, as I have mentioned in the 'Plot' section, your book has a lot of misspelling, spacing errors and capitalization errors. They just ruin the reading experience, please do correct them.

Improvements needed to be done:
As I have mentioned, the cover, blurb and mistakes made in the chapters should be corrected. Since, you are a new author, I suggest you to take a look into various helping materials available here on wattpad. Not because your writing is bad, but because you have a lot of potential to grow more and improve your writing style.

Overall Enjoyment:
Your books was truly enjoyable! I loved reading it, and honestly wished there were more chapters. As a reader, I was hooked and was really impressed on how despite having so many mistakes, the chapters were interconnected and got me on the edge of my seat. As a relatively new author, your story is remarkable. The mistakes made are just holding you down, therefore, please do correct them and shine bright! Let this masterpiece be known! Thank you.

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