Case by Case Love ✔️

Chapter 74: What if?

Jay sees the door open, smiling as he watches Erin walk through and throw her keys on the table by the door. He watches as she slips her coat off before making her way over to where he was. It doesn't take long before their eyes lock together, with a kiss traded between them. 

"It didn't feel right working today without you," she comments as she curls up to him. He couldn't help but smile in response, as at least that meant there would be a hole to fill when this was over. He had already given up his spot once at Intelligence - he wasn't about to allow that to happen again. 

"It didn't feel right leaving the office early," he replies back with a sigh. "I debated what to do for awhile after I left. I ended up going to my favourite spot for lunch, but yet it just felt wrong going alone and during a work day. So I came home and tried to do some chores around the house..." Erin glances around and notices that everything they had left out over the past couple weeks while busy with cases had been cleaned up. There was not one take-out container anywhere, all the dishes were away, laundry was away, and the ground looked clean.

"I don't think this place has looked this good since I originally moved in here. I'm actually impressed. You did a good job." He smiles back in response, as at least there was a compliment at the end of his crappy day. There was just one thing missing as he looked towards the kitchen. Perhaps it would have made up for everything else. 

"I was going to cap it off by cooking you dinner. Then I remembered that I am a shitty cook and nobody wants to taste that. So I just made sure it was all clean for if you wanted to cook, or if we ordered out. I am just glad that you are home now..." He wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and offering another kiss on the cheek. "I was hoping to hear something from IAD but not a single phone call or message." 

"It's going to take some tim-"

"It was a clean deal. It was a confrontation that ended with suicide. There's no doubt or force behind it. I don't get how it becomes a bigger investigation." He then chuckles, shaking the head as that should have answered itself immediately. Nothing was ever simple and straight forward in Intelligence. It was why Erin had to leave town those years ago. It was why it became too much for him to handle at one point. "Nevermind, I work for Voight so of course there's other questions to be asked." 

"There's also no video of what happened, or witnesses to what happened so they're basing it off of physical evidence and your story." Jay looks over at her, letting those words sink in as it was left one thought in his mind. It was the same fear that Hank had shared originally before he gave his initial statement.

"So basically they have to trust in what I am saying. But I have a clean record, I've always done right, so it's not like there's something to be worried about. I told them the full truth and no matter what anyone thinks, Erin, that's what happened." Erin reaches over for his arm, rubbing it, as she notices his breathes coming a little quicker. She could tell the comment got under his skin for one reason or another. Maybe because of the direct context. Maybe because of what it was about.

"We both know that the case got under your skin and bothered you. We both know that personal feelings can affect how you go about policing and following things. They are going to consider that along with the facts, Jay." Jay nods his head as he takes a deep breath. Maybe it was not so cut and clear. Maybe there was something to Hank's theory. However, he also knew how it affected him the last time.

"I can't go through covering it up and lying. I can't do that. That's not me, Erin. That will never be me. It tore me to shreds the last time to where I couldn't sleep, I wasn't myself - I am not doing that to myself again." He then takes a deep breath, knowing he had to let it go. But yet it was so hard in knowing what could happen. "That's why I told the truth, and I am going to have to live with whatever decision they say." 

"What are you going to do if they find you guilty of murder? What are you going to do if they take away your badge?" Jay looks over at Erin shocked by the question. He had stated he would live with it, but it didn't mean he wanted to be thrown it in his face right now. He had hoped to hear words of encouragement. 

"I don't know... I can't just live a normal life as that's not me. But I can't go back to the army because I can't handle that anymore. I don't know what I'd do, Erin. This is my life. This is who I am." He takes a couple deep breathes, knowing that was a shocking revelation but yet so true on the other hand. He wasn't big into playing sports, just watching hockey. He didn't have any hobbies. He was a certified work-a-holic focused on saving lives and helping people. He got off on the adrenaline of the chase. "How possible do you think it is, Erin? What are the chances that is going to happen?" 

"I don't kn-"

"Give me your best guess. I have to know so I can prepare. What if?" She then reaches her hand for his, squeezing it, as she takes a deep breath of her own. She didn't know if she could say what she was thinking because she knew it was opposite to what he wanted to believe. It was why she had so pushed for him to allow Hank to help.

"The optics don't look good based on your feelings in relation to the case and the way he fell from the roof...."