Faithful Horizons

Chapter 33: Ethan's Rapid Dive

Ethan sat cross-legged on the floor of his room, the dim glow of the bedside lamp casting long shadows across the pages of the Bible spread open in front of him. His notebook was sprawled out beside it, filled with scrawled verses, underlined passages, and hastily jotted questions.

He glanced at the clock on his phone: 10:47 p.m.

He'd been at this for hours, flipping back and forth between chapters, cross-referenceing verses, and searching for answers to questions that had been swirling in his mind for weeks. Grace's words from their walk the day before rang in his ears:

"You've got God, Ethan. He's never going to let you down."

He wanted to believe that. He was trying to believe that. But there were still gaps, doubts he couldn't shake no matter how far he'd come.

The day had started innocently enough.

He'd spent the afternoon visiting his mom at the hospital. She'd been in better spirits, talking about a memory from his childhood - how she'd caught him sneaking cookies from the pantry when he was fine.

"You were always such a stubborn little thing," she'd said, laughing softly. "But you had the biggest heart."

Ethan had smiled, but something about the moment had stuck with him. His mom was still holding on - barely - but he couldn't stop wondering:

What happens if she doesn't make it? What happens if I lose her?

The thought had followed him home, gnawing at the edges of his mind as he tried to distract himself. Eventually, he'd grabbed the Bible from his nightstand, hoping to find some kind of peace.

Now, hours later, he was still searching.

Ethan rubbed his hands over his face, letting out a frustrated sigh. He'd read through Psalms, skimmed Job, he even dove into parts of the New Testament that Grace had suggested, but the answers he wanted - Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God let us suffer? - felt just out of reach.

He flipped to Romans, landing on a highlighted verse Grace had pointed out weeks ago:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28.

Ethan stared at the words, willing them to sink in.

All things. Even suffering. Even pain. But how? How was his mom's illness supposed to be good? How was losing her supposed to teach him anything except how much it hurt?

He leaned back against the wall, his eyes burning. For a moment, he felt like closing the Bible, shoving it back on the nightstand, and calling it a night.

Keep going.

It wasn't a voice, exactly. More like a tug, an unspoken urge that pulled him back to the pages.

With a deep breath, Ethan turned to the Gospels, skimming through familiar stories of whaling, forgiveness, and grace. He landed on John 16:33:

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

The words hit harder than he expected like they'd been written just for him.

Take heart.

Ethan let out a shaky breath, his fingers brushing over the verse. He thought about Grace, about how her faith seemed so steady, even when she faced doubts of her own. He thought about his mom, and how she still managed to smile even when the pain was overwhelming.

And he thought about himself - how far he'd come, and how much further he still wanted to go.

By the time Ethan finally closed the Bible, the clock read 3:17 a.m.

His mind was a blur of verses and thoughts, but for the first time in hours, the knot in his chest had loosened.

It wasn't that he'd found all the answers. He hadn't. But he'd found enough to keep going, to trust that maybe, God was working through the mess even when it didn't make sense.

As he climbed into bed, his body aching with exhaustion, Ethan whispered a quiet prayer:

"God, I don't know everything yet. But I'm starting to think I don't have to. Just... help me trust You."

The words felt clumsy and small, but they were honest.

And for the first time, that felt like enough.

A/N:

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