Faithful Horizons

Chapter 27: Grace's Doubts

The late afternoon sun filtered through the stained-glass windows of the church, casting colorful patterns on the worn carpet. Grace sat in one of the pews, her Bible open in her lap, but her gaze was fixed on the cross at the front of the sanctuary.

The past few weeks had been filled with milestones - Ethan's epiphany, his baptism, the heartfelt conversations that followed. He'd changed in ways Grace had hardly dared to hope for, and yet, there was a weight in her chest that for some reason, she couldn't ignore.

She sighed, closing the Bible gently. "Am I being selfish?" she murmured under her breath.

"Selfish about what?"

Grace jumped, turning to see Sarah, her youth pastor, standing a few pews behind her. She smiled faintly, motioning for Sarah to join her.

"I didn't hear you come in," Grace said, scotting over to make room.

"Didn't mean to sneak up on you," Sarah said with a warm smile. "What's on your mind?"

Hesitating, Grace's fingers brushed against the leather cover of her Bible. "Ethan."

Sarah tilted her head knowingly. "Ah. Things seemed to be going well with him. Is something wrong?"

"No, not really," Grace said quickly. "He's... incredible. I've never seen someone change so much so quickly. It's like he's really starting to believe, and I'm so grateful for that."

"But?" Sarah prompted gently.

Grace let out a slow breath. "But I keep wondering... what if it's not enough? What if he's only doing this because of me?"

Sarah frowned. "Do you think that's true?"

"No," Grace admitted. "Not entirely. I think a lot of it is real. But sometimes I worry that his faith is still so... fragile. Like it's tied to me instead of God."

"And that scares you," Sarah said softly.

Grace nodded, her eyes twinkling. "It does. I care about him so much, and I don't want to lose him. But I also don't want to be the reason his faith crumbles if something goes wrong. What if I'm not enough to keep him on this path?"

Sarah reached over, resting a hand on Grace's shoulder. "Grace, it's not your job to keep Ethan on the path. That's between him and God. you've been an incredible support for him, but his journey isn't yours to carry."

"I know," Grace said, her voice trembling. "But what if-"

"What if he stumbles?" Grace interrupted gently. "What if he doubts? That's part of faith. It's not about never struggling - it's about learning to lean on God through those struggles. And Ethan's learning. Just like you are."

Grace looked down, her fingers gripping the edge of the pew. "I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. That I'm not... holding him back."

Sarah smiled, squeezing her shoulder. "Grace, you're not holding him back. You're walking alongside him. And as long as you keep pointing him toward God, you're doing exactly what you're called to do."

That evening, Grace sat on her bed, her journal open in front of her. She stared at the blank page for a moment before finally picking up her pen and writing:

"Lord, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so scared of messing this up, of leading Ethan the wrong way or failing him when he needs me most. Please give me wisdom. Help me love him the way you've called me to, and help me trust you with his heart. He's yours, Lord, not mine."

The next day, Grace and Ethan sat side by side at the café, a plate of muffins between them and their drinks cooling on the table.

Ethan was telling her about a conversation he'd had with his mom that morning at the hospital, his expression animated in a way Grace wasn't used to seeing.

"And then she said, 'You better not start preaching to me, Ethan Carter,'" he said with a laugh. "I told her I wasn't there yet, but it might happen someday."

Grace smiled, but the nagging doubt in her chest refused to be quiet.

"That's amazing," she said. "It sounds like she's starting to notice the changes in you."

"Yeah," Ethan said, his smile softening. "It feels good to be able to talk to her about this stuff. I mean, I still have a long way to go, but it's like... I don't know. It's starting to feel real, you know?"

Grace nodded, but her hesitation must have shown on her face, because Ethan tilted his head, his brows furrowing.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," Grace said quickly.

Ethan gave her a look, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Grace. I know you better than that. What is it?"

She hesitated, her fingers twisting the edge of her napkin. "I guess I just... worry sometimes. About us."

"Us?" Ethan asked, his voice softening.

Grace nodded, her eyes dropping to the table. "You've grown so much, Ethan, and I'm so proud of you. But sometimes, I worry that your faith is still... fragile. And I don't want to be the reason it falters."

Ethan stared at her for a long moment, his expression unreadable. "You think I'm only doing this because of you?"

"No," Grace said quickly. "I don't. But I know I've been a big part of your journey, and I guess I just... I don't know. I want to make sure you're doing this for the right reasons."

Ethan leaned back in his chair, his jaw tightening slightly. "I am."

"I know," Grace said softly. "But faith is hard, Ethan. It's not always going to feel this way. There are going to be days when you doubt when it feels like God is far away. And I don't want you to think you have to go through that for me. You don't owe me that."

Ethan's shoulders relaxed slightly, and his gaze eased. "Grace you've been there for me when no one else was. You've shown me what faith looks like. But this isn't about you. It's about me and God. And yeah, I'm still figuring it out, but I'm not going anywhere."

Grace's chest ached at his words, a mix of relief and lingering doubt swirling inside her.

"I'm trying," Ethan added, his voice quieter now. "I'm not perfect, but I want this. For real. For me."

Grace smiled faintly, her hand brushing against his on the table. "I know. I just... needed to hear it."

Ethan nodded, his lips curing into a small smile. "Thanks for being honest with me."

"Always," Grace said softly.

And as they sat there, the tension between them eased, though Grace knew the doubts in her heart wouldn't disappear overnight.

A/N:

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