The White Rabbit

22.) Meet the Millers

The smell of honey baked ham, "funeral potatoes", and fresh baked gingerbread cookies fill the air as the chaos has already hit the Miller family house. Everyone has arrived and the grandkids have already staked their claim on my mother's craft supplies. Eloise has decided to make Christmas decorations for her bedroom so Santa knows where she lives, the twins decided Grandma's house wasn't festive enough despite it looking like the hallmark channel threw up all over it, and the younger kids are playing with our childhood little people sets in the living room.

The women are all in the kitchen finishing up dinner while the men all sit in the living room chuckling at what the kids are doing while also talking all things man. I honestly don't know what they talk about over there still to this day...sports...politics...working out...the latest episode of Viking...who knows. I peak over at Dean who seems to already feel at home cackling over something my brother said.

"Audrey...he's fine. He's a big boy and can manage. Stop checking in on him." My sister Marilee says shoving my shoulder slightly to break me out of my trance.

"I'm sorry. He's just nervous so I want to make sure he's doing good." I say nervously but I mentally pull myself back into the kitchen.

"So how did you score a guy like that after a guy like Tyler?" Josie asks while pulling the funeral potatoes out of the oven.

"What is that suppose to mean?" I laugh while blushing glancing over my shoulder at Dean who's helping the little ones with their little people set.

"It means that Tyler looked like a clubbed foot...that's what that means." Kacey says with a shrug while laughing.

"Okay...I agree with you now because his personality is clubbed foot material but damn..." I say trying not to be offended because either feels like a jab to my taste in men.

"Don't be offended. Dean is very hot. So stop skirting the question and tell us how you met." My sister in law Rose teases.

"Alright alright but Mom...you may wanna stick your head into a bible for this story..." I say teasing my mom and she smacks me with a dish towel in the butt.

"Audrey...I oughta kick your ass. How did you meet him?" She says playfully with her teeth clenched.

I cover my Mom's ears as she fights me and I say quietly,"We fucked in the back of his bar..."

All the women gasp and I released my hands from my Mom's ears and she smacks my butt again but with her hand this time.

"Ok there has to be more to the story than that!" Marilee says as though she's begging for details.

"Ya, Audj...give us the juicy juicy!" Josie grins.

"The night Tyler dumped me, I went to a new bar..." I start up the story.

"Dean's bar..." Christina eggs the story on.

"Yes... and some perv was coming onto me to put it lightly and Dean stopped him. And so we went to the back where his office was and we hit it off...with vodka... and conceived a child on the futon in the back..." I say progressively making it sound worse and worse speeding up the telling of the story.

"Audrey June Miller!" My Mom shouts almost fainting.

"Ma...remember...we love Dean!" Josie pipes in.

"I know...I know...I'm not telling it that when my friends from church ask me." Mom says completely mortified.

"I'll be sure to tell it just like that at our wedding so your 'friends' can clutch their pearls." I tease and my Mom whips her head around with her meat carving knife and points it at me.