Alive : Hockey Fan Fiction

Chapter 5 : Three Words. Oliver Ekman-Larsson

Yesterday was so crazy between telling Jamie, Tyler finding me at the club, sleeping with Val in his car, and telling AnnMarie everything too. This morning I finally turned my phone on after having it off for most of the day yesterday and I have so many messages from Dr. Murray. I don't even want to call him back at this point. I don't want to be better. I know it's bad but when I was with Val and couldn't control myself and just had to have him I felt so alive. Always having to control myself has been so exhausting. Now I feel like I don't have to. I know it's self destructive behavior but this is what I need right now. I also have a message from my sponsor, I missed the meeting last night as well.

My heart skips a beat when I see there is a missed text message from Jamie. I don't want to open it in case he's cursing me out but part of me hopes that it is him telling me to come home. After staring at my phone for I don't even know how long I finally click open the message.

Jamieboo : You can come during the game to get your things.

My heart sinks. I know I don't deserve his forgiveness but I was hoping he'd want to try to make it work anyway. I wipe the tears off of my face when I hear AnnMarie walk into the kitchen.

"Do you want me to drop you off at your car on my way to work?" she yells from the other room.

"Yeah that would be fine," I say as I walk into the kitchen, "Jamie said to come get my things tonight while he is at the game."

"So this is real? You guys are over."

"It looks that way."

After AnnMarie drops me off at my car I drive around for a bit. I am feeling a bit lost. I know once I get my things from Jamie's that it's really over. It has been my home for about a year now. He asked me to move in on our one year anniversary. I remember how proud of myself I was for being able to stay with one person for so long. I drive past the gym and can't help but laugh. That's where Tyler first came on to me. I am reminded of how it felt when I was punching the punching bag. I need some of that tension lifting therapy right now. I know I have my gym bag in my trunk so I turn around and head to the gym.

After changing into my gym clothes in the locker room I go to the treadmills and have an easy warm up jog. After jogging for 30 minutes I do some light lifting. I know I am going to do some boxing so I don't want to tire my arms out too much. I have to admit it is weird going to the gym without Jamie. We always came here together. Today is a game day so at least people won't be asking me where he is. I know I will have to answer to our breakup once it becomes public. I just hope we can keep it quiet for a while. Once I am finished with the weights I walk to the boxing area of the gym. The boxing zone. There are mostly men here but that doesn't intimidate me. I grab some gloves from the desk and make a mental note to buy my own since I feel like I will be coming here a lot more often now that I am single.

Last time I was here I was just kind of winging it with punching the bag and I want to make sure I get the most effective workout. A long time ago my dad taught me a little bit about boxing but I have to admit I wasn't very interested then I don't remember a lot of what he said. I can see this becoming a passion of mine. So I want to find a trainer that can help me. Before I walk to an open bag I watch a few guys getting trained in the ring. It's like art watching them work. They use every muscle in their bodies. I get lost in watching the sweat dripping down their backs. chests, arms, everywhere until one guy connects with a punch and the other goes down.

"Wow," I mutter to myself out loud.

I walk over to one of the trainers and ask them if they can work with me. We walk over to an area in the corner of the boxing zone and talk a little about what it is I want to learn and accomplish from being trained. I explain to him my limited experience with boxing but that I feel like there is something inside me that wants to come out through boxing. Right then and there we come up with a schedule and have the training charges added to my gym membership. He walks me over to his station and we begin.