Alive : Hockey Fan Fiction

Chapter 13 : First Meeting in a Month

I wake up in the morning with my alarm. I sit up in bed and rub my eyes. I am not nor I ever have been a morning person so it's hard waking up like this on purpose. Every part of me would rather just fall back asleep especially since I had trouble falling asleep last night. I made a promise to myself that I would get into a regular routine and that includes waking up at the same time every day so here I am. I slowly get out of bed, step into my slippers, and walk to the kitchen to make some breakfast.

All I have planned for the day is going to the gym and my meeting later on tonight. I have to figure out what I am going to do with my down time. Down time is what gets me into trouble. I toast up some bread and make some cheese omelettes for us to enjoy for breakfast. I make myself some coffee to see if it will help me to wake up a bit. I feel myself dozing off standing up. I wait for AnnMarie to join me at the table before starting to eat. "Day 2 of waking up at a decent time isn't going well," I mumble as I struggle to keep my eyes open.

"You'll eventually get used to it. That's what the rest of us do every day."

"Phil says I can work at the boxing zone when I am ready to go back to work."

Before I met Jamie I did have a job. I wasn't very good at it. My mind was occupied with trying to control myself and I couldn't concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing. I was lucky to have a very understanding boss that didn't fire my ass. After I moved in with Jamie I quit and focused on myself and being with him and that was working for me. After the whole breakup and getting out of control I have felt like a whole different person. Sometimes I don't recognize myself. I feel like I am going through the motions of everyday life but I am not in control. I am a spectator in my own life. I want to regain some control.

"That will be really good for you."

"Yeah then I can get out of your hair and get my own place."

"Stop it. I am happy to have you here."

We eat our breakfast and then we each get ready to get our days started. AnnMarie heads off to work and I sit down in front of the TV on the couch. I don't turn it on but I sit there and watch it as if something was on. I am lost in my own little world thinking about Tyler and whether or not I need to distance myself from him. I feel like we might have to have a serious conversation about what each of us are looking for for the future. I don't even really know what I want. I either have to tell him I have to just be with him and really try a relationship or I have to tell him I can't have any contact with him. I am not ready for either of those scenarios. I know I have to make some kind of decision soon if I expect any change to happen.

I walk to my room to grab my gym bag and head out to my car. I don't have an appointment with Phil until a little later but I have to get out of the house. Sitting around worrying about this stuff is not going to do me any good. I get into the car and go for a drive. I plug in my iPod and turn on my jazz playlist. I drive along trying to just clear my head and focus on the road in front of me. I don't have any real plan of where I am going. I just know I need to be out.

I drive through my old neighborhood where I used to live before meeting Jamie. My condo looks exactly the same. They haven't changed a thing in over a year. I drive through where I used to live as a kid back with my parents. They don't live in this house anymore. I have some mixed memories about my childhood. For the most part I was a happy child with a happy life. As soon as my addiction started I turned into somebody different. I didn't understand what was going on at first and neither did my parents. They never wanted to learn about it which made us fight constantly. There is still a stump where my dad cut the tree down that lead to my bedroom window. I used to sneak out of it all of the time to meet up with guys and do various sexual acts with them.