Alive : Hockey Fan Fiction

Chapter 26 : My Future is Bright

It's August 29th, 77 days since my first meeting, 85 days since I've had sex. I have a fight today and I feel really good about it.. Ever since I have been working, going to my therapy, and going to my meetings I have felt clarity like I haven't felt in so long. I feel more ready for this fight than I have ever felt about anything in my entire life. I have been training rigorously with Phil to prepare for this fight. It's the last fight of the summer. I have the potential of bringing home a trophy if I win this fight. I convinced my dad to come watch me fight. He loves boxing, it's his whole life, but he's scared to see me in the ring. I told him he should be scared for the girl I'm fighting. My relationship with my parents is still in the process of being mended but we have come a long way in these past few weeks. I am actually happy. It's been a long time since I've been able to say that and truly mean it in every aspect of the word.

It's an afternoon fight so I wake up early enough to get my meals in for the day. I have my cheat sheet that Phil wrote out for me and have been following it. I walk outside with my lunch, my last meal before the fight, and sit out in the grass to enjoy some of that Texas sun. It's hot but I don't care. It feels nice to have that warmth on my skin. I still have been struggling with letting myself go out and enjoying some time out of the house but I am slowly getting there. For a while I wasn't even allowing myself to go out into the back yard. I have come a long way over the summer but I have so much more I still have to do. It's never ending, dealing with addiction, I'm always going to have it. It's not something that is just magically going to go away. It's how I deal with it. That is up to me.

I listen to jazz in my car on the way to the gym. It's a weird music selection to get myself in the mood for a fight but it works so I stick with it. Phil always makes fun of me. "You need to get pumped up. You need to get mad. You need some hard core rap pumping through your ears." I always just laugh at him and shake my head. He's always so intense about everything. I call it intensity and he calls it passion. Either way it amuses me. He is very motivating,though, I'll give him that. I am so lucky to have met him. He's saved my life.

I change into my gear in the locker room and walk out to where Phil is standing. I smile as I see my dad talking his ear off. He must be in his glory right now. He loves talking boxing. Phil has a big smile on his face and yapping away about something as I walk over to them. "She has been an absolute treasure to train and I don't usually use words like that," Phil says as he puts his arm around me.

"He's right. He doesn't," I say.

My dad smiles as Phil starts to tape up my hands. "I never thought I'd see the day my daughter would slap on a pair of gloves and get in the ring."

"She's worked hard to get to this point. You should be very proud," Phil says as he pats me on the back, "you're all set."

"I am proud," my dad says as he looks into my eyes, "really proud."

"I'm Amy, I'm a sex addict, it's been 85 days since I've had sex. You might look at me right now and be a little concerned about my swollen eye. I don't blame you. It's not every day someone walks in here looking like this. I had a boxing match earlier today. Boxing is the one routine I have stuck with since I told myself I needed a distraction. It has been my saving grace. I thought when I went into the boxing zone that first day that I would just hit a punching bag a few times to get some aggression out. I didn't know it would turn into all of this. I wouldn't say I love boxing more than I love hockey but it's a close second.

So I had a match today. My last big tournament of the summer. This was for everything I have been working so hard towards. The winner would get a trophy and 10 thousand dollars. It wasn't even about winning for me. It was about going out there and leaving it all out there on the mat. Winning doesn't hurt, though. I've been driving around with that trophy in my car all day. I just want to bring it around everywhere with me. It doesn't just signify the fact I won a few boxing matches. It represents all that I have been fighting for since I was 13 years old. I can be a winner and I can come out on top and I can do anything I set my mind to. I don't have to let sex addiction define me and I don't have to let it consume me and I sure as hell don't have to let it beat me because I am stronger than that. I have proved that to myself. I know my future is bright because I am going to make it bright."