Alive : Hockey Fan Fiction

Chapter 17 : Dr. Murray Can't Help

The Stars wound up winning last night and I was able to get an ok night's sleep. I woke up with my alarm today feeling a little sluggish so I am hoping I can wake myself up a little bit before I go to the gym. I have a long workout day today with Phil. I am going to be conditioning and sparring so I have to get mentally prepared for that. That means no more thinking about what happened with Tyler. It happened and I just have to move on. Nothing I can do about it now so there is no use in dwelling on it. I make myself some eggs for breakfast and a smoothie to go along with it.

There is another Stars game tonight against the Penguins and I had planned to go to it but now I am not so sure. At this moment I am leaning towards not going but I am sure that feeling will change as the day goes on. After I eat my breakfast I get ready to head out to the gym. I want to get an early start on the day just in case I do decide to go to the game later. I will probably be at the gym for 5 hours with everything I have planned.

Once I get changed in the locker room I walk into the boxing zone to start my long workout day. Phil smiles when he sees me walk in. He loves bringing me to my limits and ultimately past them. I swear he gets off on watching me suffer. It's a thrill for me and even though I feel like sometimes I am going to die, I love the feeling of coming out on the other side. I can feel myself getting stronger each day. My time spent in the gym is all worth it. My mind is clear while I am here and focused on my fitness and my boxing.

We start the day off with sparring. Usually we start out with conditioning but he wants me to get some hits in. I work on boxing for about an hour and a half before taking a break and switching over to conditioning. It is refreshing to have something I can escape to to get out of my own head for a while. I have been doing too much over thinking about too many different things and I feel like I am going insane. I truly don't know what it is that I want and I know this is not something I should be dwelling on. I need to work on me first.

After Phil kicks my ass all over the gym I am dripping with sweat. Every article of clothing is drenched. I feel loose and energetic from the endorphins. I could probably run a marathon despite my legs already feeling like jello. I take a nice long shower in the locker room before changing back into my clothes and leaving the gym. I am feeling good even though I got hit hard a few times in the head. I am hungry and craving pizza and even though Phil would disapprove I decide to go for a slice. If I limit myself to one slice I will be in good shape.

There is a place down the road that I have been to a few times so I decide to go there. Serious Pizza, home of the 30 inch pizza pie, where there is always a guy flipping some dough in the air. I love watching the guys toss the dough. It truly is a skill and they love to show it off. I walk in and order myself a buffalo chicken slice. It's hard for me not to order more but I have to be good. I get myself an iced tea to wash my slice down with. Once I get my pizza I walk over to a table and sit down.

I see on my phone that I have a missed call from Dr. Murray and a voicemail. I open my voicemail and listen. "Amy, this is Dr. Murray, I am aware that you missed your meeting. I can only imagine why. I cannot keep treating you if you refuse to try to help yourself. You can make an appointment when you are ready to get serious about your recovery."

I feel like I am having a panic attack. I can't breathe. Tears well up in my eyes as I struggle to catch my breath. I never in a million years would think I would get a phone call like that, not from Dr. Murray. He has been there for me since the beginning. The one constant in my life that I could always count on to get me through anything. I am losing everyone I truly care about because of this fucking addiction. I can't believe he wouldn't even tell me face to face. He left a voicemail. He didn't even wait for me to be on the phone with him. After all of these years I would think I was more important to him than a voicemail. I can't believe this is happening right now. I know I have been messed up but I have been trying to get my life back in order.