Complicated // h.s.

twenty-two

*4 months later*

*Sawyer's POV*

Harry had been good at avoiding me. He had it down to an actual science. I haven't seen him since the day that he told me to leave. I've been trying to get my mind off of him by focusing on school or going to parties with Keeton. None of it really  seemed to work. I still loved him. God, I loved him. He was literally engraved inside of me. I just wanted his touch for one last time.

I couldn't even go back to numbing myself. He put in every emotion that I was lacking back into my body and now I can't seem to control it. I knew I made a mistake by cheating on him. I knew I would hurt him. I knew I would jeopardize everything we have had together.

It was nearing Christmastime. I was just going to avoid going home for Christmas and go to the penthouse in New York for the holidays, but my mother insisted on me coming home. It was the final day of the first semester and I just finished my last midterm.

Cara and Keeton already left to be on their way back home, so I was mostly by myself trying to finish up getting the rest of my things together. I just threw my things in a bag not caring if it was messy. I was just ready to get the whole holiday over with.

+

I embraced my mom and Ron into a hug as I entered the house. It was actually nice to be back home while they were here as well. I missed being home. College was such a hassle that the campus wasn't really home to me.

"How's college?" Ron asked as we walked into the living room.

I nodded my head before responding, "Good. I love it."

Ron nodded his head in approval. My mom didn't really care about me going to college as much so she just nodded her head as well pretending as if she cared.

"Harry should be here soon." Ron randomly told me.

My breath hitched in my throat. I couldn't see him. It would be my first time to see him in four months. The last time I saw him, he kicked me out of his apartment.

"Is he?" I asked with a hard swallow.

God, I missed him. I missed him so much that I could smell his scent and feel his touch the more that I thought about him.

My mother and Ron nodded their heads and then I excused myself from them so that I could go up to my old room. My bags were already in my room and I began to set them out and change into something more suitable for dinner. I wanted for Harry to see what he was missing. Although, I probably missed him more than he would ever miss me.

I changed into some light denim skinny jeans and a long black sweater. I walked down the stairs and saw Harry casually drinking a drink with his father by the bar. I quickly walked passed them trying not draw attention to myself. I could only see a side view of him, but my heart was still racing.

"Sawyer, come." My mom said through the bar.

I let out a breath of air before turning around and walking to the bar where everyone was at. My mom smiled at me and I kept my eyes on my mom momentarily. I could actually feel Harry's eyes on me and I wanted to avoid his eye contact the longest that I could.

"Sawyer." Harry said lowly trying to gain my attention. "Hi."

"Hello." I mumbled.

I looked up at him then. Our eyes instantly met. Within four months, his facial features changed vividly. He had dark circles under eyes and he had light stubble aligning his jaw. His jaw was clenched as he stared at me. It was like we were back to square one when we first met except we had been through a lot more. I could feel my heart beating in my chest as he looked at me. I wanted to melt right on the spot, but I had to compose myself because our parents were in the same room.

But when I looked around, they were gone. It was just Harry and me. I could feel my eyes brim with tears as we silently stared at each other. I tried to read anything on his face except for coldness, but it never came. His facial features never softened after the all the time that we stared at each other.

"How are you?" He asked me after a few moments of silence.

I tilted my head to the side as I try to figure out what to respond with.

"It's not like you care." I said softly.

Suddenly, his face had softened a tad and he stepped closer to me.

Please, touch me. My mind begged for him. My body begged for him.

"I do." He said so softly that I could hardly hear him.

I shut my eyes and thought if I opened them that I wouldn't be in this position. I opened them again to see him still standing there waiting for me to respond.

"Can you not speak now?" Harry asked me.

I swallowed and felt my mouth go dry. What do I even say to him? He is the man that I love, the man that I have been yearning to see and touch again for four months and I can't even form a logical sentence around him.

"Why do you care, Harry? You haven't spoken to me in four months." I finally said.

He inhaled deeply and took a sip of his drink. He never kept his eyes off of me.

"Don't play the victim." He rolled his eyes.

I wasn't. I did deserve what was thrown at me.

"I miss you, Harry. I love you." I admitted.

It was true. Over the past few months, I come to realization that I needed to be slightly more open with my feelings. I had to admit to myself and Harry my true love for him.

The coldness came back into his eyes and face.

"Don't tell me that." He spat bitterly.

He shook his head and downed the rest of his drink.

"Don't tell me that." He repeated, but this time was softer.

He seemed hurt, distraught, cold, and broken all because of me. I knew what I did was fucked up and lying to him for over a month was even worse. I deserved every bit of what was coming at me.

"If you loved me, Sawyer, you wouldn't have pulled that shit." Harry said breaking the silence once again. "You don't love me. You never loved me. What type of shitty game are you playing now?"

A tear fell down my face. I wiped it away quickly so he wouldn't see my weakness.

"Really? You're crying? Don't pull that bullshit with me." He began to sarcastically clap his hands. "Let's have a round of applause for Sawyer Kendrick everyone. Are you majoring in theatre now, darling? Because I almost believed it."

He had become so cruel. He slammed his empty glass down and looked at me bitterly. I couldn't even control my tears at this point. He stared into my eyes one last time as if to read me and then he walked away from me.

I stood there frozen to my spot trying to control the tears from falling down my face. I have never felt this hurt before. I had never felt emotions like this before. I never thought Harry would be so cruel towards me.

I heard the front door open and then slam. I assumed he left. It broke me out of my trance and I dried my tears up and walked towards the dining room where my mother and Ron were waiting for me.