a poet's attempts at communication

distractions

is it possible to be so sad
yet convince oneself to act as though
there is not much thought behind my eyes
and i put up an uninterested face
as to hide the fact that i want to cry

i stay up late and watch comedies
i laugh and fall for the script
meanwhile, my eyes scan for my next obsession—
someone to take over my thoughts—
perhaps an actress or an actor for me to dote over

please don't judge this behavior
i'm just feeling kind of down
i don't want to be hopeful over someone—
dreaming about being with her—
when i have no chance
and when she's still stuck on her ex
and when she will not speak with me, though i try

i would rather be silly and dream about actresses
about people that can't break my heart
than fall in love with friends who are uninterested
so much so that they can't give me the time of day

this is how i can make sure that
any possibilities of heartbreak can't start