a poet's attempts at communication

older

small pitter patter of small running feet
giggling and laughter, crying and weeps
sunshine and rainstorms, cuddling and clouds
all only things i pretend to care about

but sunshine
it blooms across my skin
it exposes the flaws of the present
i find i hide in the hood of a sweatshirt
but why?
what am I ashamed of?

small little smiles
innocent eyes
whispers of gossip
chasing fireflies

i wish i could be her again
time— where did it go?
it passed me
like wind, it whipped my hair
and bruised me like a bully's lair
now here i am
older

skipping flat stones and
scraping my knee
running after friends wondering
why did they leave me?

darling little girl
here, let me hold your hand
i hate to think of your heart hurt
look straight forward and stand

silent tears are falling
salt now stains her tongue
a boy walks past her
she cowers
refuses to look up

skipping towards a best friend
friends will walk away
pitter patter of running feet
the world begins to sway

my dear, what is happening
when did things go wrong
getting older is scary
it all feels so strong

looking in the mirror
drawing where to cut
laughter from my peers
was i pretty or was i dumb?

there's a hand gripping my heart
oh, wait, it's my own
when did i get older?
i really don't know

i stare at all the children
they like to skip and play
oh to be young again
do you remember what it was like to want to stay?