All My Heart

Chapter Nine

I woke up, still in my dress, scenes of last night playing in my head. I groaned and rolled over on my side, as I opened my eyes I looked around the room, realizing I was alone and still in my dress. I got up, knocked on the bathroom door…no answer…knock. I opened the door after a few more knocks. No one. I let out a sigh of relief and proceeded with my morning routine. I drove to Bobby Hobby and spent well over 200 dollars on Christmas decorations for the dorm, which I'm not sure I care about. I shopped at Begmans for discount fruit that capitalist grocery stores won't sell, which the sell by dates don't matter. I got a bunch of ripe kiwis and pineapple for the smoothee I’ll be making for my morning run. After my 2 mile run I headed back inside to continue on some work that was due in a week. Adding to 2 more hours of an unnecessary 13 page essay from my professor.
“In my defense I found it unnecessary, but the B- I have in that class says otherwise.” I said to myself. Or so I thought it was to myself…
“A, B- mein schatz, very naughty.”
I spun around quickly in agony. “Your back? So soon? Why?” I kept questioning him and myself for I fear that these feelings I dug out from their grave, just yesterday in fact, have grown…deeper? As my head starts to spin I feel a pair of hands on my face. My head snapping out of its trance.
“Mein Schatz, breathe. Use those lovely pipes of yours for once in your life.” He said ruffly.
I nod.  Looking once again in those beautiful eyes. I love him. But he doesn’t love me the way I want and need to be loved.
“You went shopping?” He said, looking at the bags of Christmas decorations.
“I did,” I replied, head bowing, ashamed.
“That was always my job.” Agony of what great love that used to exist in those eyes. At least that’s what he fooled me to believe was love. I wish it was true everyday.
He noticed the sadness in my eyes, “Don’t cry dove.”
“I wasn’t going to cry and knock it off with the pet names,” I said.
“What? Because you love my brother now? I don’t think so, little brothers are off limits, babe.”
“Like you care.” I spit back.
“I do in fact.”
“I do very much Meine Liebe,”
“Don’t call me that, please.”
“Finally saying please?”
“Yes.”
“ So good meine liebe~”
“Stop.”
“...” His eyes narrowed at my words, clearly disliking my tone.
“Let’s go home, I need you home.”
“As long as I'm with you there is no such thing as home.” I said harshly.
He remained silent. A solemn look on his face. “I love you but I will not go on my knees for you.”
“I'm not asking you to be on your knees for me, I'm saying let me go. I do not need to be on your leash like a dog, Walter.” I also know damn well that he doesn’t love me.
“I won’t beg,” He said.
“I don’t want you too, for the second time.” I mentally rolled my eyes.
“Make me.”
“I said there was no need for you too beg, or get on your knees for me,”
He knelt before me.
“Get. up.”
He pouted, the cold mask gone,  just Walter Anderson the man I fell in love with at a young dumb age. You could see it in his eyes. There is devastation, in those gorgeous eyes.
“Please…I see that you still wear my ring after all these years.”
I crumbled at his words, but quickly regained my composure. “I don’t date 30 year old’s.” I put my hand in my pocket quickly.
He chuckled at my ridiculous comment. “Yes you do.”
“ How would you know?” I replied, and he raised an eyebrow.
“Really Meine Liebe?" "Really?"
“I-” My words caught in my throat.
“That’s what I thought.”
“Let’s go home.”
“Like I said before-” He cut me off before I said anything else, with none other than a kiss. He pulled away before I could say anything else, but when I opened my eyes, he was gone.
“Walter?” I kept repeating his name, looking around for him.
“Why are you calling for my brother?” Quinn asked from behind me, door open.
“Who?" I asked.
“Don’t play dumb. Why were you calling my brother's name?”
“How do you know it was your brother's name? Walter is a very generic name y’know-” He ended up cutting me off, apple doesn’t fall far from the tree I guess.
“It was the way you were saying his name that gave it away.” He said disappointedly.
I froze in place, I think I shed a tear, I saw the fear in your eyes, oh the sorrow in his eyes. It’s like the sun meets the waves and when the leaves hit the ground.
“He’s dead Lynn. Stop living in that delusion that he’s alive.”
“He’s not-” once again he interrupted me, though this time with a kiss, the only thing in my head, Walter.
“I’m sorry, you wouldn’t focus on me.” He said, a slight flush on his cheeks.
“I wasn’t even during that.” I admitted. His face slightly paled after that.
“What? Why? Was it bad?
“I have no idea.” Ladies, the worst thing you can say after kissing the love of your life’s brother is that you liked it. And I did not.
“I thought you liked me back.” He admitted.
“I do.”
“Then why didn’t you like the kiss?’
“It’s complicated,”
“The only thing that’s complicated  is the fact that you're obsessed with my dead 30 year old brother!” he yelled.
“How do you know that he’s gone?” I exclaimed.
“You're delusional.” he confessed.
“I am.” I admitted.
“And I don’t plan on not being delulu.” I continued.
“Really? What do you see in him at all? His huge abs or the amount of stupid?”
“Him, I just see him for what he is. But of course I love your brother, why wouldn’t I?  He's morally gray after all.”
“You're insane. He’s not a good person.”
“Using present tense now?” I paused. “I know, you know, that he’s out there somewhere.”
“That’s exactly why I think you're delusional, thinking of irrational things like that.” He spit back.
“I really don’t see the problem of that. A lot of girls my age are.” I stated.
“Is that so?” He said, walking towards me.
“Yes” I said nervously as I stepped back slowly, eventually my back hit the wall.
“I never asked why you were here.” I said suspiciously. He came to a halt, his right hand next to my head on the wall.
“I wanted to see you.” He said sheepishly.
“Mhm” like I believed him. I rolled my eyes and walked away.
I heard him mumble a few words and I didn’t look back. I kept moving. Walking through the dorms, eventually bumping into someone. I fell backwards as the tall figure reached out a hand, I looked up, Axel, again.
“You really have to use your eyes, Lynn.” He said with a chuckle.
“Yeah…” I said.