You're all I have (tate and violet)

chapter 13

It's passed 45 hours since me and Tate "made up", if you could actually say we made up.

We never really got into a fight but we were both mad at eachother for the same reasons we always fight.

It's been exactly 45 hours and two minutes now. I can't get my eyes of the little brown clock in the corner of the basement. For the past 45 hours all that Tate has been doing me is kissing me and telling me how he's sorry and how he loves me.

I'm still mad at Tate for almost killing my friend and I think that's the reason why I am not sure of all this.

"Tate stop." I said whispering while he continued to kiss me.

"What's wrong?" Tate looked up to me. He looked like a sad puppy.

"Violet, I said I was sorry. What more can I do?" he said, clearly annoyed.

"Maybe actually be sorry. We both know that if you had the chance you'd kill him in a heartbeat." I said closing my eyes to the thought of him doing what I just said.

"You have me. You shouldn't be going around with other boys. You know how mad would you get if you even saw me near another girl."

"Yeah, well it's not my fault he kissed me!" I didn't even realize what I said until the words came out of my mouth. That's what the anger led to. My heart started pounding harder than ever, sweat started dripping from my whole body.

But the thing that killed me most was the look on his face. The face that just dropped. The tears rushing down his face. He was no longer mad. He was broken. He was just standing in front of me, shaking.

"So that's what it is? I'm no longer good enough for you?" His face slowly lifted but then dropped again and he disappeared.

"Tate!" I screamed loosing my mind.

"Come back." the words came out as a whisper because I lost my voice. But he was long gone.

I couldn't help but blame it on me. What the hell am I talking about. I should blame it all on myself because it's all my fault.

I wish I could just kill myself over and over again.

...

It's passed 3 days since Tate disappeared and it's only gotten worse. I refuse to leave this little room. I wish I could just disappear from this world. My mom always told me that God has a plan for me and that everything happens for a reason. I don't even know what to believe. I always thought I would have this "perfect life" but in the end this happened.

I hate it when people say death isn't the answer. I hate it when they call suicidal people "crazy" "weak" "attention seekers". I think that suicidal kids are incredibly strong because they actually have the guts to just leave this terrible world.

Hell if I could kill myself and disappear from this house I would.

I believe death is the answer but I think I just killed myself in the wrong place and at the wrong time.

Every time a thought would come across my mind I would shove some pills down my throat and disappear from this world for a bit. I thought that eventually I would disappear from this house but I didn't.

I haven't talked to Josh or anyone. I'm glad that they left yesterday for some trip. I hope the trip is longer than a week. I'm just so confused.

This room was too damn hot and full with bullshit and sad memories. The only comfort that I had was the fact that tomorrow was Halloween.

I quickly ran down the stairs to my front yard.

I sat on the brick wall and lit up a cigarette. I loved looking at the smoke disappear. It always reminded me of freedom. The way it would always fade away.

A familiar face was walking towards the front door, I thought I was hallucinating but I wasn't. It was really her.

She looked very different her hair wasn't brown anymore it was black and short. She had flowers in her hand. Her eyes didn't glow beautifully now, the only things you noticed were the bags underneath them.

I could hear her talking so I decided to get closer. I stood next to her, after all I am invisible so she can't see me. I don't understand what she's doing here. It scares me.

"I'm so sorry Violet. I know we didn't have a great start but I can't stop thinking about you and your family... I...I knew the moment I looked into Tate's eyes there was something unholy about him... After the lights in that stupid basement switched off, my life completely changed. I know that you can hear me Violet, because you are in a better place now. But I can't help but think that Tate is the reason that you and your family are dead... I started to cut after I heard about your family, it stopped the pain for a bit and made me forget about Tate. When my family found out, they put me in a mental institution. Parents suck. I know I'm probably annoying you right now but I came here to tell you that I am going to kill myself. I believe that is the only way that I'll be safe and that we will be able to see eachother again. I'm too weak to be in a world knowing and experiencing the things I've seen." Leah said almost whispering. She left the flowers in front of the door.

I was crying. Everything that she just said made me so upset. The fact that she hasn't stopped thinking about me just made me so sad.

"Death isn't the answer Leah." I told her. Not sure if I would regret it now.

Her mouth widened in disbelief.

"I made that mistake. I overdosed because I was so confused. So tired." I said wiping of the tears from my face.

"How...Wh...at...?" She looked like she was about to pass out.

"Once you die in this house you don't get to leave. It sounds insane. I know." I came closer to her.

"Tate also died in this house." I said taking a deep breath before saying his name.

"I...Have to go...now.." Leah said after I mentioned his name. She became even more pale how scared she was.

"Leah... Please don't hurt yourself, I made that mistake. Everything will get better. I promise." I said smiling at her.

"And don't mention this to anyone."

She smiled back even though she was frightened. And she ran as fast as she could. I don't blame her. I wonder if she'll ever come back. Maybe when she's ready.

I sat back on the wall.

So many things crossed my mind. I wonder how she's going to react? I wonder if she'll tell anyone? But the most thing I'm scared about is if she will kill herself.

The thought of her hurting herself made goosebumps run through my whole body. I think seeing Leah made me think everything over again. This whole week all I was thinking about was hurting myself but now I'm telling others not to?

I put my head against the brick wall and realized how stupid I am. All this 'Everything happens for a reason' is bullshit. If I knew, I would never hurt myself. Because now I see the consequences and how heart breaking it is to see someone else suffer.

I spent most of the night thinking and over thinking. Maybe Tate was right? I shouldn't have kissed Josh, but he kissed me and it was totally unexpected. Well, tomorrow is Halloween so I will have some alone time. And maybe I can finally be happy.

Maybe I'll star a new chapter. Without Tate.

I haven't updated in forever omg! I'm so sorry but I definitely needed a brake from writing. I hit 9k and I'm speechless! Thank you! Thank you! I didn't want this chapter to have much going on because I feel like stories that just have drama and shit the whole time kinda bore me. But next chapter is exciting because it's Halloween!! It'll be up this week because I've got an amazing idea and I'll start writing later on tonight. ilysm and thank you for all the lovely comments! xxx

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