Runaway's Liberation

Chapter 8

Sometimes, no matter how many times life hits us with the same lesson, we never truly learn. It's like we're trapped in a cycle, endlessly repeating our mistakes, fooling ourselves into thinking we've learned something after each painful experience. We tell ourselves that we've figured it out, that we know better now. But when it comes down to it, we often fail to act in the way we should. We repeat the same mistakes, over and over again, because we believe that the lessons we've learned from suffering should somehow protect us, when in reality, they never do.

That's why I've never liked the idea of second chances. They always feel pointless, like some hollow promise we're given, only to find that it doesn't change anything. We think we're being given another opportunity, but how can we be sure we'll handle it any better than we did before? The past still lingers, haunting us, reminding us of what we failed to prevent and of what we couldn't avoid.

Second chances are a cruel joke, something we can have, but not something we can ever be certain we'll use right... because we never really learn.

"I got a 5 over 65,"

It was the fifth week of my first year in university. Our class representative just finished handing out the checked exam in one of our subjects we had the day before yesterday, and to say that I'm disappointed in how my score turned out is an understatement.

I fucking studied for that. For a whole week. And last night, I slept at 8PM, woke up at 1AM, and never thought of getting another hour of sleep just to make sure I understood the coverage of that damn subject.

It was the first time I failed horribly. No, it definitely wasn't the first instance where I failed an exam, but it's definitely the first out of all the firsts where I failed like the most stupid student in class. I didn't expect it. I thought I got it all right. I thought I studied enough. Turns out I just didn't understand how everything in university works, and if you failed one single quiz, you could fail the whole subject in that term.

I stared at the paper the person in front of me shoved at my face, and saw the 5 over 65 score written with a red pen as if it's used that way so the one seeing it would have it imprinted on their mind and be reminded to study more.

And no, that paper wasn't mine. The score, that red 5 over 65 mark stretching on the paper in 5 centimeter width with its 4 centimeter length, wasn't mine. My paper was already crumpled against my fingers, almost like it was used to wipe someone's butt in the toilet.

I looked up at the guy standing in front of me, with a small smile on his face, his thick eyebrows raised a bit as if he's telling me he got it worse, and his dark black pupils staring almost into my soul. It was his. The 5 over 65.

"So?"

"Hindi ka lowest," Ngumiti pa ito habang hinihila pabalik ang test paper niya na wala akong nakita ni-isang sagot. There was no solution, no computation, and even a final answer that he could've seen on his seatmate's paper, there was none. Just a silent blank white sheet that you could almost see the wind passing through it.

"How did you get a 5?" I asked, my forehead creasing. If he wasn't able to answer any, he should be zero.

"Bonus," he smiled.

His name was Callum. And before y'all get it wrong, no, we're not friends. He shouldn't be. Why would I be friends with one of the failing students in class? Hindi ako baliw. Hindi ko hahayaan na mapahalo sa katulad niya. Pa would kill me if he found out I'm connected with him in any way. Bukod sa tamad siyang estudyante, hindi rin naman lingid sa kaalaman ng bawat isa na nagmula siya sa pamilya na obsessed sa kanilang pwesto sa pulitika.

And why is he talking to me? What now? Because he thinks we could relate? Since we both failed that damn exam?

We never really talked. I was one of the quietest in our block, simply because I just hate drama. Building connections and making your circle bigger to get more help—those kinds of things—I just hate them. Yes, it could benefit you, but I knew that it wouldn't take long before each one of them, who likes making a lot of friends, gets themselves caught in drama by the next semester because of, well, competition.