Runaway's Liberation

Chapter 2

I cannot face reinvention.

I knew that it was the only way. I've died, I've gone through countless spiritual death, over and over again, waking up from slumbers where I wanted to meet the new me after opening my eyes.

But being the person I should be, and reinventing the kind of person I am right now, is something that will only happen once I stop living the small life where I imprisoned myself.

Because I was too afraid slaughtering my fears. I was too afraid of what might not change—even after I gave everything to change it. I was afraid that no matter how much of myself I reinvented, no matter how far I tried to move forward... everything would stay exactly the same.

And I’d be left wondering if I ever really moved at all.

That's why I didn't like second chances... I just don't know what's the point. They are just rarely what they seem. They're offered with the illusion that you can relive the same experience, somehow free of the pain or mistakes that tarnished it the first time.

It's like watching a familiar show, but expecting a different outcome. You hope, against all logic, that something will change—that this time, the ending might satisfy you.

But there's no thrill in rewatching something you've already seen. Every scene, every moment, will hit you differently, not because it's new, but because you've changed. You've already lived it, and the ending still haunts you, whether it was better or worse than expected.

The only value in a second chance is the clarity it brings. The subtle things you missed before start to stand out. The overlooked details, the neglected moments—they come into focus, teaching you what you were blind to the first time around.

Suddenly, I felt a force pulling me up, breaking through my daze. Naramdaman ko na lang na wala na ako sa tubig. The deafening noise in my ears vanished, replaced by the cold mist of the air. Ramdam ko ang bumalot na lamig sa'kin.

Ang lamig ng kawalan.

I could feel fingers grazing my face, hands shaking me, sinusubukang gisingin ako. Pero gising ako. My mind was fully awake, but my body—my body refused to respond. It was as if I was suspended between two worlds, caught between the weight of what I'd seen and the emptiness of what I could not control.

"Baliw ka ba?! Ba't ka naglalangoy sa gabi? Di mo ba alam na delikado?!"

I can hear someone shouting but it was muffled. It was even almost hard for me to understand the words I'm hearing.

Everything went black again.

Para akong nakatulog ulit. Nakakatakot. Kasi sa tuwing tulog ako, lagi akong may panaginip. Palagi akong binabangungot.

Pero ngayon? Wala. Madilim lang. Ganon lang.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal pero naramdaman ko na lang na may dumampi sa labi ko at nakaramdam ako ng hangin na pumapasok sa bibig ko. I can also feel someone pushing on my chest.

Napaubo ako dahil roon kasabay ng pagmulat ng mga mata ko. Bumungad sakin ang madilim na kalangitan.

I am dizzy. My throat hurt so much that it made me cough many times while my chest was heaving as I tried to gasp for air, my heartbeat was rapid and pounding erratically.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib at pinilit na huminga. I tried taking long breaths. I hit my chest with my fist when it doesn't seem to work. Napapikit ako. Pinukpok ko yon nang pinukpok hanggang sa may humawak sa mga kamay ko na pumigil sa'kin.

Those hands gripped me firmly, pulling me from the edge, and before I realized it, I was wrapped in an embrace. Ramdam ko kung paanong nagtaas-baba ang dibdib niya. And it grounded me in a way I hadn't expected. Strangely, I began to mimic their breathing, almost instinctively like my body knew it needed to be soothed.