Runaway's Liberation

Chapter 7

It was late at night.

I found myself in a taxi, the driver's face a blur as I stared out of the window, my thoughts elsewhere. I didn't even remember hailing the cab. I had simply walked away from Auntie's house, stepping out without a plan. And without direction.

Muntik pa akong makita ni Cooper. I was scared he'd bark if he saw me on the front porch, so I went in the backyard, knocking down some of the old, rotting fences in the process.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. There was this hollow ache inside me... and it felt like there's nothing I could do to stop it. Nadia's words wouldn't stop. They were echoing in my mind... over and over... at pakiramdam ko mabibingi na ako. Gusto ko itong takbuhan. Gusto ko itong takasan. Hindi ko na kaya na paulit-ulit 'yong umaalingawngaw sa utak ko.

"I'm going against mami's lawyer to stop that annulment."

How could she even think that?

The guilt—it was so suffocating. And I could feel it crushing me from the inside, like it was wrapping itself around my heart. It was a slow burn, consuming everything... every thought, every breath, until all that was left was the ache of what I had done... or more accurately, what I hadn't.

Wala akong ibang maisip kundi ang mga pagkukulang ko bilang kapatid. I'm the older brother, and yet, I couldn't offer her anything. I couldn't even offer myself the strength to hold it together, let alone be there for her. I was too broken. I was too lost in my own pain and my own mess.

I was too far gone to come back.

And all I could do was run. Run from everything like somehow escaping would make me whole again. Like it would erase the fact that I couldn't be the person she needed.

"Saan ka hijo bababa?"

My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the driver's voice, his eyes meeting mine through the rearview mirror. Ibinalik ako ng boses niya sa kasalukuyan.

Huminga ako nang malalim at tumingin sa labas ng bintana. I scanned the chaotic downtown streets. People were still out, wandering the sidewalks, their laughter and chatter filling the night air. Their feet splashed through the damp pavement, the glow of the lampposts reflecting off the wet ground.

The street seemed alive with movement. There was nothing significant in the area—just a few food stalls that seemed to form a makeshift night market. People moved between them, buying snacks, while muffled music thumped from oversized speakers. Ayokong bumaba. That was the only thought I had as my eyes wandered, taking in the closing bars and restaurants, the flickering neon signs above.

But nothing drew me in. Ni hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ba ako lumabas. Kung bakit ako nagpunta rito ngayong gabi.

"Bababa ka ba hijo? May pasahero sa harap oh,"

Natigilan ako nang marinig ulit ang boses ng driver, at napatingin na lang ako sa labas. A couple stood on the sidewalk in front of a bar, the man completely wasted, barely standing while the girl struggled to keep him upright.

I nodded silently to the driver and hurriedly got out of the taxi, handing him the fare. Ayoko namang sirain ang gabi niya at idamay sa problema ko. I had my own mess to deal with, and dragging others into it wasn't fair.

I went towards an open pub, but halted when something caught my attention.

"Ano ba?! Bitawan mo nga ako! Sabing hindi pa kami tapos ng putanginang 'yon!" A man's loud, drunken shout pierced the misty air, drawing attention from passersby. I glanced back, at nakitang ang lalaking kasama ang girlfriend nito na tinutukoy ng taxi driver kanina. His girlfriend was still trying to escort him, her face flushed with embarrassment as she gently pushed him into the same taxi I had just left.