Mike Needs Clean Urine
Hey kid! Stop what you're doing! What? Let Dave take care of it, he didn't do the prep work this morning so he can cover for you! He can take table 4! Listen kid! I need a HUGE favor, law's on ol' Mikes ass again! Remember when ya didn't see Mike for a week? His ass was in the pokie! Don't ask why, that's not important! Alright fine kid! I was out drinkin and I got a bit rowdy! See I was palin' around at my old watering hole throwin darts when this guy wants the board! Real scraggly lookin guy, kind of like you haha!
Anyway, Mike aint done yet, but he decides he'll make stuff interesting! So he makes a wager! Scraggy kid beats him at darts, him and his friend gets the board! Now this is all fine, but it turns into a drinkin game! Anyway, Mike is losin his ass, he can barely see the board halfway through the game! I lose, but no hard feelings, Mike knows when he's beat! I shake the guy's hand, pay my tab! I'm still feelin a bit rowdy, I haven't let off enough steam! Kinda broke at this point, but I'm determined to keep the party going! I start to stumble home when wouldn't ya know it I gotta pee! Now, everywhere is closed and Ol' Mike aint gonna go back to the bar! Gotta save face! I find an alleyway, figure this as good as place as any! I'm startin to zip myself up and suddenly I'm blinded, this damn blue shirt has a flashlight in Mike's face and is askin what the hell I'm doin! Anyway heputs Mike in handcuffs and lets him sleep it off in the drunk tank. The rest is kind of a blur but somehow I make it home in the mornin. I miss the arraignment and next thing ya know I'm on probation, that's why you didn't see me for a week! Anyway, that's my story. The thing is, Mike knows he's gonna piss hot today, that's where you come in! I really need your help kid, you gotta do Mike a solid. Hell, he'll even give you a week of his tips. You're clean, right kid? Alright then! What? You smoked a joint last night!?! That's not clean! Shit kid, I better turn myself in! I'll be fine, not the first time Ol' Mike has crossed paths with Johnny Law! See you next week!
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The Mike Lectures
MizahA series of humorous, insightful and one sided rants by a middle aged chef named Mike at a small cafe. Mike's foil is a mostly quiet young man (around 21) known simply as "the kid" who is experiencing growing pains in the harsh light of modern soci...
