That's Fucked Up

Magic Dick

Once, in a far away place-like California or some shit- there was this magical boy named Kellin. Now Kellin didn't know he was magical, but found out one day when he was with his bf.

So Kellin was just taking it from his bf Vic, like the bottom he is, when Vic was rubbing it out, he said something along the lines of 'Man, I wish I had some steak right now' and a plate of steak instantly appeared on Kellin's bedside table.

Weird.

But at the time, nobody questioned it, because, hey, free steak. But as the days went on, things got weirder.

As a high school students, Kellin had to take gym, and as any stereotypical person would, he sucked at everything. (Not just Vic either) And this day during gym, was dodge ball.

So Kellin got owned by the circular rubber object, and fell. Many times. But this particular time was different.

"Down goes shortie!" A kid says.

He's just like the others. Kellin landed on the floor with a hard thud, and an unexpected weight landed right on top of him. The kid's elbow slammed right into his groin. Pain.

"I wish we stopped playing this." The random kid said.

And instantly, the coach ran over from his office and called off the game Just like...magic

So skip forward a couple of days, the dodge ball incident forgotten, to Kellin's fifth period biology class.

"You must work in groups of 3 for this assignment" Ms. Biotch says from her desk.

Shitty four eyes.

Everyone picks partners and I'm stuck with that weird fedora kid and the girl with bright orange hair.

"Hi, I'm Haley" The chick said, shooting Kellin what was supposed to be seductive, face, but ended up looking constipated

"I'm Patrick." Fedora kid says.

He seems nice enough. So the trio get to work on their assignment, talking and enjoying each other's company. Haley tried many times to flirt with Kellin, but he just brushes it off like the boss he is.

'Is her gaydar broken or something?' He thinks when she won't get the hint.

When they get almost done with the assigned work, Kellin feels a unwelcoming pressure on his leg. He casts a side glance at Haley who's pretending to be interested in the work. Her hand is on his thigh now, and steadily moving higher.

' Just ignore the slut' Kellin thinks. Rather rudely too.

"I wish this was already done." Haley says in exasperation even though Kellin and Patrick did most of the work.

Basic bitches these days. And as if by magic, the rest of the assignment was done. Like, all of it. In their own handwriting.

'Wtf is going on?' Kellin though, along with the other two lesser important people in this short story. But, like before, nobody questions already done work, and turn it in.

Later that night at home, Kellin scrolls through Tumblr because, who actually does things anymore? Like ew, wtf?

A certain text post catches his attention and he bursts out laughing. It said "What if guys have magical dicks that could grant wishes?" Then another person saying "Fuckin night bloggers".

With that, Kellin decides he's had enough internet for the day, and logs off.

The next day, Saturday, Kellin was rubbing it out in the shower because he hadn't seen Vic in like, 2 weeks because his family went to Wisconsin or Scandinavia or Narnia or some shit.

"I wish Vic was here to take care of this for me."

Knock knock knock, here comes daddy. In walks Vic, but Kellin doesn't know that because, y'know, he's in the shower. Vic pops his head around the curtain, scarring the shit out of Kellin.

"Wtf are you doing here?" Kellin all but screamed.

"Here to help you with your problem."

Kellin then receives the best shower blowjob he's gotten, not questioning how his boyfriend got there.

As he lay in bed, he goes over the strange occurrences that has happened to him lately. The thing with the steak, the dodge ball incident, biology, and now Vic.. all those things have one thing in common... his dick.

I think back to that tumblr post I saw, and realize the truth. Just to be sure and test it out, I grab my junk and say "I wish I had tickets to the Fall Out Boy and Wiz Kalifa concert" and like magic, two tickets appear on my table, just like the steak.

Whoa.

'I could do great things with this power' Nah. He wished for a bunch of money. But afterwards, Kellin started a wish granting business.

How it worked was;
Step 1: If you're a guy, say no homo
Step 2: Handjob
Step 3: If he's satisfied, you get to make a wish. And everyone lived happily ever after.

The end.