Setting: The Red Base, where the crew is gathered around a cluttered table. The atmosphere is light but edged with debate.
Church: (leaning back in his chair) So let me get this straight. We're supposed to root for the main character just because everyone is mean to him?
Tucker: (crossing his arms) Yeah! Like, it's always the same deal. This guy gets bullied by half the universe and suddenly he's the hero because… what? He wants revenge?
Caboose: (nodding earnestly) I don’t get it. Why can’t he just, I don’t know, make friends instead of plotting revenge? Friends are nice, like… flowers!
Washington: (sighing) That's the thing, Caboose. They want to be edgy. It’s always darker, grittier, and frankly just a little sad.
Carolina: (rolling her eyes) The problem is that these 'main characters' rarely have any redeeming qualities. They're often just as insufferable as their bullies.
Grif: (snorting) Exactly! I mean, sure, let’s all sympathize with the guy who’s constantly whining about his life. I’d rather watch paint dry than see him mope.
Simmons: (leaning forward) You’d think writing a compelling character without resorting to ‘woe is me’ would be simple, yet here we are with yet another dull misery fest.
Sarge: (nodding vigorously) You got it, Simmons! It’s like they think throwing in a tragic backstory and a sad soundtrack makes up for everything else. It doesn’t!
Donut: (flailing his arms) And don’t even get me started on how they glorify the violence! It’s like they're trying to sell this idea that revenge is glamorous. Spoiler alert: It’s not!
Lopez: (smirking in Spanish) No glamour, just drama. It’s all very… cringey, yes?
Doc: (adjusting his glasses) You guys are forgetting about the people who live vicariously through these characters. It’s a pure self-insert fantasy for them—it’s not supposed to be relatable, just escapism.
Church: (sighing) Escapism only works if you can connect to the characters. These fantasies end up being hollow.
Caboose: (brightening up) Can we write a story then where everyone is just NICE? A happy story!
Tucker: (grinning) You mean like a kid’s show? “Time to be friends, kids. Let’s hug it out!”
Grif: (mock serious) Yeah, because nothing says adventure like a good group hug.
Sarge: (grandly) I can see it now: “Red vs Blue: The Hugging Chronicles!”
Carolina: (snickering) I’d pay to see that.
Washington: (shaking his head, smirking) And yet, here we are, somehow still stuck in a world where that would never fly.
Donut: (perking up) I’d make the best friendship bracelets!
Caboose: (beaming) And I’ll bring cookies for everyone!
Tucker: Ah, this direction is much better. Who needs revenge, am I right?
Church: (smirking) Yeah, let’s just write it off as another “creative failure.”
(The crew laughs, their conversation gradually transforming from a critique of dark fantasy to an absurd brainstorming session about cheerful alternatives.)
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