And I'll call you mine { Paige Bueckers}

Part 9

Juliet jones

1 year.

365 days.

8,760 hours.

525,600 minutes.

And 31557600 seconds.

The hardest time In my life was that long. It was the year after graduation and everything shut down in March because of Covid. So I decided to take a gap year. Yes I had scholarships but I didn't care about them my parents had plenty of money to pay the full thing and would do so gladly to shut me up.

I couldn't be with Paige. All my other friends moved away to college anyway. My parents are officially divorced and everything in this busy city is shut down. So what do I do. I get on a jet to my parent private island. I feel depressed and sad. Paige was thriving even under such circumstances. She was winning awards and games left and right.

She was busy partying with college kids and I almost got on a flight to Minnesota but then I remembered.

My person has always been my grandma. My grandma Juli was my rock. She was kind and always had a warm bed for me with fresh sheets and warm cookies with milk whenever I needed her. She always told my mother to let me be and stood up for me when she would rant about all her friends daughters were so successful and I was not even going to an Ivy.

Her and my papa were so in love. He brought her flowers every day. She kept a vase by her bed so every morning my papa would tend to the chickens and walk the pasture with the cows to collect wild flowers. Then once he was done her would go inside and change her flowers then kiss her on the cheek.

She was a traditional woman and cooked for him everyday three meals a day. Kept the house tidy and folded all his clothes neatly once a week on laundry day. She would sing to him when she would cook and he would sit at the dinning table.

She would sing to me to when she would comb my hair. She called me shortcake because she swore my hair was as red as strawberry shortcake when I was born. As I got older it lightened out with blonde. But she still loved it dearly she said my mom never let her do her hair when she was younger. And god knew to send her a grand baby with beautiful long hair who would sit still.

When I was 17 I had just graduated high school. She told me she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. In one month it spread  to her blood and by the end of the year she was gone.

I remember her last day like it was yesterday. In the morning my papa brought her the flowers like usual but a tear rolled down his face while he did it. He knew. By lunch time everyone had come to say goodbye. And she was gone before bed time. She insisted I let her braid my hair one last time. Even though she was in so much pain.

She did it knowing that it would bring me comfort. She did a fishtail braid my favorite. And I laid next her my papa on the other side as she took her last breath. My papa passed that night. In his sleep. I like to think they went together. They did everything together so why would this be any different.

I wore that braid for one week until her funeral. The day of the funeral I cute my ponytail off and put it with her in the ground where she was buried in her pasture with all her flowers she never got to receive and my papa by her side as always.

My gap year was more of a depressive episode. I wanted to see if I could vanish off the face of the earth. And if anyone would even notice I was gone.

So I didn't text. I didn't call. I didn't use social media. I was on an island in the Bahamas by myself. I didn't go to the store. I didn't order packages and if I did have groceries delivered I made sure I was out on the boat far from the island. I felt invisible and broken.

Who was I without the people I loved most. A question that lingered in my mind since the day I lost my grandparents. The only other person I missed the entire time was Paige. Paige is my person. And always has been. She had a lot going on I realize that now but then I thought she had just forgotten about me.

I'm lucky she didn't. On that day. One year later the day I lost the most important people. I thought I couldn't do it anymore. And by it I mean life. I was so lonely for so long and I had finally had enough. I was scared. So all I did was sat in the 3 car garage and started the car.

Luckily Paige found me before it was too late. She had flown out to see me because she was worried. That I hadn't been talking to her and she knew it had been one year since I lost my grandparents and she knew it was going to be a hard day for me.

All i remember was going in and out of consciousness and seeing her shake me. Hearing her beg me to wake up. To stay with her. That she wast ready to loose me and she needed me. Someone needed me. Someone wanted me. I still think to this day that if it were anyone else I would have died.

It's scary to think but the only thing I was holding onto when I was so sick mentally and physically was Paige. The fact that she needed me and she wanted me. We had our whole lives ahead of us.

We have our whole lives ahead of us. Then when I was lonely and scared I didn't want more. More life was scary. All I could think of was all the bad things that could keep happening with more life.

Now I know that bad things happen. You have no power over that. But as long as the people you love and the people who love you are by your side you'll never have to go through bad things by yourself. That makes it a lot less scary.