OC x Axel Kovacevic-
Vanya Martin was a mystery. To most she was a troubled teen with a heart made of gold. To others, there was a side only the lucky ones were allowed to see.
No one saw the battles she fought everyday. However, no matter how dark...
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My body felt raw as I used the washcloth to try and get the blood off. It won't go away. I just kept scrubbing and scrubbing, sitting on the floor of the shower as I did. I could barely breathe, my body was engulfed with sobs. My whole body was shaking, still. It would not stop no matter how hard I tried.
The blood won't go away. It was everywhere. All over me. All over my legs. All over my arms. All over my hands. It was everywhere. I felt like I was drowning in the water as I scrubbed my body raw. I couldn't take it anymore. I started screaming, throwing the cloth at the shower wall.
I had thought these feelings were gone. I had pushed them deep down, in a place they could never resurface, but somehow, they did. They hit me all at once. They hit me like a train. Hitting me over and overing again.
My hands on my head, I curled up on a ball. I stayed there, crying, until the water turned cold. I don't know how long I layed there. I just layed there, crying. The cycle. Crying. Blood. Numb. Nothing.
I sat up, trying to ignore the blood stained on my skin. I turned the water off, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around me, my wet hair dripping on my skin. Leaving the bathroom, my whole body hurt and I felt like a slug. I picked up my pajamas off bed and slipped them on, not bothering to whip the cold water off my body, not wanting to see the blood once more.
When I had them on, I layed on my bed, not even going under the covers. I just laid there, just like I had before. I think I was there for an hour before I decided to get up and leave. I walked through the door, almost forgetting to close it behind me. I let my legs carry me, not really knowing where I was going, but knowing at the same time.
Knocking on the door, I stood there waiting for it to open. When it did open, I stood there not knowing what to say. I spoke anyway. "I couldn't sleep." He opened the door wider for me and I walked in, going straight to his bed and laying down. The bed dipped and I felt his arms wrap around me.
"It wasn't your fault." I hear myself say to him.
"You're wrong. He is dead because of me."
I turn and face him, looking him in the eyes and putting my hand on his cheek. "You didn't make him pick up that knife and you were just defending yourself. Also, to be truthful, that could have been you. I don't know what I would have done if it was. I would have lost control. So even though it might be selfish to say. I'm so happy it wasn't you."
He stares into my eyes and gives me a peak on the lips. "Is it selfish to be glad that it wasn't me?"
I shake my head. "No, it's not."
"I also feel like it should have been me. That he shouldn't have died."
"I understand," I reply. "Those feelings are normal."
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm complaining about this to you." His voice is low and almost regretful, like he doesn't deserve to be this close to me, to have me in his life. "You've been through so much too... but you're so... strong." His hand reaches up, brushing a strand of hair away from my face, his fingers gentle, like he's afraid of breaking me. My heart aches for him. It always does when he talks like this, like he doesn't see himself the way I see him.
I shake my head, pressing my forehead to his, feeling the heat of his skin, the softness of his breath against my cheek. "You're strong too," I whisper, my voice barely above a breath. "You have no idea how much strength it takes to go through what you've been through. Everyone has trauma, there's no need to compare. We are going to get though this together. Right, nos I want you to remember something. We both survived. We're still here, and that matters."
"Can we talk about this another time? I just want to be with you right now."
"Yes," I breathe, snuggling closer into Axel's arms, the warmth of his body filling me with a sense of calm I've never quite experienced before. A calm I didn't think I could feel after the events of either. His hand gently strokes my hair, and I close my eyes, letting the sound of his breath and the soft rhythm of his heartbeat be the only things I focus on. We've been like this for hours now, just wrapped up in each other, the world outside fading into nothing. It's easy to lose track of time when I'm with him. The only thing that matters right now is him and me, together.
I didn't mean to say it. The words just slipped out, a rush of feeling that I couldn't hold back anymore. I thought I'd have more control over my emotions, but when Axel looked at me with those eyes full of love, everything inside me just tumbled out. "I mean what I said before. I love you," I said, the words hanging in the air between us. I instantly tensed up, my heart racing in that embarrassing way it does when you've said something too soon, too much. I turned my face away, burying it in his chest, hoping that he wouldn't notice how my cheeks were burning.''
But Axel didn't pull away. Instead, he just laughed softly, his hand gently lifting my chin so that he could look into my eyes. There was no judgment, no awkwardness. Just warmth and tenderness. "You know," he said, a little smile tugging at his lips, "I've been waiting for you to say that since I met you." The reassurance in his voice made my heart flutter, and I couldn't help but smile too. I felt like I was floating, like everything had aligned in this perfect moment that I didn't want to end.
"I've always known you cared about me," I murmur, my voice soft, almost a whisper. "But hearing you say it, hearing myself say it—it just makes everything feel real. Like... like this is how it's supposed to be." I feel his hand tighten around me, and I melt into him a little more, the comfort of his embrace making me feel safe, cherished. His fingers trace lazy circles on my back, and I close my eyes again, letting the moment linger.
Axel shifts slightly, pulling me even closer, as if trying to merge our two bodies into one. His lips brush against my forehead, and I let out a soft sigh of contentment. "You're everything to me, Vanya," he says, his voice low and steady. "I think about you all the time, and I don't know how I ever managed without you." His words are like a balm to my soul, soothing the tiny doubts that sometimes creep in.
I look up at him, my heart swelling with something so deep, so intense, that it feels like I could burst. And then, before I can even process it, I say it again, with more certainty this time, more conviction. "I love you, Axel." I say it again, this time not feeling any embarrassment. I looked into his eyes as I said it. I swear there were carton hearts in my eyes.
His eyes soften, and he leans down, kissing the top of my head. "I love you too, Vanya," he whispers back, and I can feel the truth of his words in every touch, every breath. And in this moment, with him holding me close, I know that nothing could ever be more perfect. "You're the best thing that's happened to me."
